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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,194th Edition
January 18th, 2019

I accidentally subscribed to Hula instead of Hulu.
How many dancing with grass skirt videos can you watch?

They've been having problems with the sea lions eating all the salmon in Oregon. They tried relocating them, but they found their way back. Now, they're shooting them. If that doesn't work, they're going to combine the two and relocate them to Chicago.

Last week was "National Bird Day." Apparently, not a lot of people knew about it because whenever I flipped one to somebody, they didn't seem to appreciate it.

From Facebook: How do fish get high? Seaweed.

Jeff Bezos and his wife of 25 years are getting divorced. We don't what all she will get in the settlement, but we're pretty sure it'll come with free shipping.

I'm personally against beta testing. Leave the poor fish alone!

From Facebook: Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

Birth rates in the Nordic countries are said to have dropped to historic lows and they're concerned about the future. You know, they know what causes babies.

Europeans have unraveled a massive tennis match fixing ring. I don't know much about tennis, but apparently, that's over the line.

Romeo, the "world's loneliest frog" in Bolivia finally has a mate after ten years. I understand that he found one on the app, Croaker.

They're saying this latest storm heading for the east coast could dump as much as 40-inches of snow in spots. So, for at least for the next few days, avoid spots.

I joined an anti-social club. The cool thing is, we never meet.

In China, a woman with a rare condition can't hear men with deep voices. All this time while watching Star Wars movies, she never knew Darth Vader was saying anything.

The Detroit Auto Show is underway in the Motor City, if I recall correctly. Oh, sorry. They asked me not to use the word, ‘recall'.

School teachers in Los Angeles went on strike yesterday. That'll give kids time to learn the three R's: Readin', ‘Ritin' and Renegotiating.

Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger are now engaged. Can you imagine Arnold as your father-in-law?

Chris Pratt proposed to Katherine Schwarzenegger and she said, "Yes!" You should see the size of that infinity stone on her ring.

Please don't tell me that toilet paper roll selfies are now a real thing. I just put my face on an egg. I can't keep up.

From Facebook: PATIENT: "Doc, I have a ringing in my ears." DOC: "Don't answer."

Rihanna is suing her father for exploiting her name without her permission. Going to make for an awkward Father's Day this year.

A Texas woman has been banned from Walmart after driving around on an electric cart while drinking wine out of a Pringles container. How gosh! Everyone knows a ketchup bottle would be so much more discreet.

Jerry Rice says Antonio Brown wants to play for the 49ers "really badly." That's pretty much how the team plays now, so it could be a perfect fit.

USA TODAY had an interesting article on why voice-recognition in cars is so bad. I asked my car that very question and it confirmed the pizza had been ordered.

Monday is the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday, when the government will somehow be closed even more than it is now.

FIVE NEW CAR MODELS THAT WE'D LIKE TO SEE
  1. The Hyundai Schmundai
  2. The Ford Harrison
  3. The KIA Tua Happy Life
  4. The Toyota So
  5. The Fiat to Know Better

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR COMPANY IS IN TROUBLE

  1. You just saw the boss and he said, "Oh, you're still here?"
  2. New standing desks aren't for your health-they've sold the chairs
  3. Amazon just delivered four cases of pink forms
  4. Price tags on all the computers
  5. They just instituted a pen and pencil rental fee
Laugh a little, would ya?
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