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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,202nd Edition
March 22nd, 2019

Time to bust some brackets!
 
Lori Loughlin has lost her job with the Hallmark Channel. The network reminded her that they only send away the very best...

Actually, this marked the first time in the history of the network that the cute girl didn't get the cute guy and live happily ever after.

From Facebook: At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remember why I went in there.

A federal court ruled that flipping off a cop is free speech. Then again, so is writing a speeding ticket while you're standing next to your car.

Taylor Swift showed up at an awards event this past weekend in pink. Coincidentally, Pink showed up with Taylor hair. I think that's considered a draw.

Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin have deleted their social media accounts. I wonder who we could bribe to bring them back up?

A woman in Houston gave birth to six kids in 9 minutes. Wow, she was able to deliver six kids in the time it takes me to walk three blocks!

St. Patrick's Day went well on Sunday, except for those few pro-snake protesters.

Mama June from the "Honey Boo Boo" series has been arrested on drug charges in Alabama. Who could have not seen that coming?

Thousands of people are flocking to the Lake Elsinore area this week for the "Poppy Apocalypse." Field after field of beautiful blooming poppies that will try to put you to sleep before you reach the city of Oz.

William H. Macy in a recent interview said the best advice he ever got was to never lie. In his defense, bribery is not lying.

Iran's President Rouhani is urging Iranians to "put all your curses on the U.S." And, their little dogs, too.

It's Free Cone Day at Dairy Queen! So that means, to me, that it's "Bring along a couple of disguises to work Day" so I can have ice cream for lunch.

You see, in Seattle, an Instant Pot is not a cooking appliance.

Florida prosecutors are talking with Patriots owner Robert Kraft about dropping those charges of soliciting prostitution. It looks like there could be a second happy ending.

The U.S came in 19th in the latest World Happiness Report. Some felt it should be higher, while others thought it should be lower and so an argument broke out, with pushing and shoving and name-calling... .

A new environmental group report has identified spinach, strawberries and kale as the produce that contains the most pesticide residue. That's it. I'm giving up kale!

Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman have hired big names lawyers to represent them in the college admission scandal. This is going to be expensive. I mean, attorney's fees don't even include jury costs.

Millennials say everyday stress makes them struggle to fall asleep 138 nights a year. They say that part of the stress is having to keep track of those nights they can't sleep.

An Indiana man has been charged after shooting himself... .down there. And I'm not talking Terre Haute.

They now know it was the brother of Laura Sanchez-Jeff Bezos' mistress-that sold their racy texts to the National Enquirer for $200,000. He'll never see a 2-day delivery again.

A study says high potency pot when used daily is linked to psychotic diseases like paranoia. At least that's what that little gnome who's out to get me said a moment ago...

A study says Americans spent $39-billion on drunk shopping last year. I must have bought a copy of that study because one showed up at my house the other day.

Starbucks is set to test recyclable and compostable cups, but they will continue their policy of getting your name wrong.

McAllen, Texas has been named the fattest city in the U.S.. They had to not work very hard for that title.

Donald Trump visited America's last tank factory. What do they make at that factory? Tanks. You're welcome.

Presidential hopeful John Hickenlooper once took his mom to a theater to see, "Deep Throat." Of all the questions I would have for a presidential candidate, asking if they ever took their mom to "Deep Throat" has never been one of them.

I initially wasn't ruling out Hickenlooper because of his last name. I'm over that now.

TOP FIVE THINGS SAID BETWEEN DUMBLEDORE AND GRINDEWALD THAT INDICATED THEY WERE...
  1. "Nice wand you've got there!"
  2. "Want to see my Fantastic Beast?"
  3. "Just to be safe, do you have Hogwarts?"
  4. "That wasn't what I meant by Diagon Alley"
  5. "Do you mind if I call you, Butter Beer?"
TOP FIVE WEIRDEST TRADITIONS FOR THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING
  1. Balancing an egg on Justin Bieber
  2. Spelling 'Happy Spring' in your streaky windows
  3. Hiring a hitman for the groundhog
  4. Wearing your Speedo to work... .again
  5. Mooning someone with the last name of Winter
Laugh a little, would ya?
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