This Week's WACKS
Our 1,001th Edition
"1,001 WACKS--no waiting"
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April 10th, 2015
McDonald's is introducing a Big Mac clothing line. Of course, the clothing will be available in small, medium, large and Super-size.
The world's largest sperm bank is relocating to Florida. It still won't have a drive-through window.
McDonald's says it will raise the pay of their workers to $1 above the minimum wage. Most employees said, reluctantly, "I'm lovin' it."
Jose Canseco's daughter Josie went on a Twitter rant after being arrested for drunk driving in Hollywood. As they say, the shot glass doesn't fall far from the bottle.
A 116 year old Arkansas woman is now the oldest person in the world. She's requested that President Obama be at her next birthday party. Though I'm not sure he'll go along with the "jumping out of the cake" thing.
Saturday night, I was the sensitive, caring husband, watching the new season of "Outlander" with my wife. That's the show where all the characters sound like Groundskeeper Willie.
The Vatican is offering a course to teach priests and laypersons how to recognize and fight demonic possession. It's always good to promote exorcise.
A study says that 70% if people taking antidepressants may not be depressed. Well, that's depressing. Oh, well, time for a pill!
A Maryland man is blaming his shoplifting at a grocery store on amnesia. Someone tried to use that defense before, but I don't remember if he got away with it. And neither does he.
You know, I remember that time the basketball coach was standing on a ladder, cutting down the net. I just wished he would have told the human ball before they fired that cannon.
ABC says that April 24th, Diane Sawyer will air a very special interview with Bruce Jenner. Just a prediction on my part, but I feel that something will be missing.
More scientists are stepping forward to say that the government's warnings about us eating too much salt have been overblown. In others, take them with a...
Nevada's famed Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel is looking for official "quality" control testers who not only get paid to have sex with their prostitutes but to then evaluate their performance. If you're interested, the end of the line is now in Arizona.
Brothell Tester. I don't remember my high school career counselor ever offering that one...
John Travolta is defending Scientology. The mothership is said to be pleased.
Tough new water restrictions are really having an impact on California. Just ask the people at what use to be Splash Mountain (now known as Light Misting Mountain)
Researchers at the University of Michigan have developed a working computer that is smaller than a grain of rice. If only someone hadn't been eating Chinese food so close to their research table, they'd probably still have it.
It now appears that Russia hacked into White House computers last year. But apparently, all they got into was the "Collards and Kale Recipe" folder and then left.
"Iron Chef" Bobby Flay and his wife have separated, which is usually a recipe for divorce. Yeah, couldn't fight that one off…..
A fire burned down Seattle's first legal commercial marijuana growing operation on Wednesday. They say it took 35 firefighters and 87 pizzas to put out the blaze.
None of the firefighters were overcome by smoke, despite numerous attempts.
A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. Of course, the first step towards that dream would be getting a job and getting out of mom and dad's basement.
Election officials say that by 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Yes, the same device that when you ask it for directions to the store, responds, "Oklahoma."
Carl's Jr. is now testing out pepperoni French fries. Apparently, the quest for the perfect lethal food continues….
If Shania Twain doesn't do a duet with Bruce Jenner of "Man, I feel like a woman", they're missing the boat.
TOP FIVE OVERHEARD AT THE ANNUAL WHITE HOUSE EASTER EGG ROLL
- "No pushing kids out of the way, Mr. Vice-President."
- "No, that's the Easter Bunny---NOT Obama Hare."
- "I don't know if these are non-GMO gluten-free eggs."
- "Who put the "Hillary in 2016" stickers on all the eggs?"
- "Uh, Mrs. Obama, we'll let the kids hunt for kale and broccoli tomorrow."
THE SIX COMMON SIGNS YOU ARE SLEEP-DEPRIVED
- An airline tries to charge you extra for the two bags under your eyes
- You fell asleep while riding a broncin' buck at a rodeo
- You actually snore while you're awake
- You now require 2.4-gallons of coffee each morning to feel half-awake
- You lose bursts of time and miss thinks, like number 6
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---Something lighter this week--the tale of the Talking Pipe, here on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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