This Week's WACKS
Our 1,003rd Edition
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April 24th, 2015
The first Star Wars trailer is out. Who know in future space we'd even still have trailers?
A study says that Julius Caesar may have suffered a series of mini strokes. By hands of friends with knives in them, right? Didn't we already know that?
A new study claims that acetaminophen reduces pain, but also decreases pleasure. Can the phrase, "Not tonight, Honey, I took a Tylenol" be far behind?
A report says that robotic chefs could be serving meals by 2017. We're just a few short years away from the Iron Chef actually being iron.
In Seattle on Friday, a semi-truck overturned, losing its cargo of bees. The lines that followed: It resulted in a honey of a backup. Yeah, I'm a son of a bee. The owner would like to remind you that this is none of your beeswax. Hive Fi's! It's been the buzz all morning. Until it's cleaned up, we're refusing to play any songs by Sting. Yeah, we're putting him on the bee list. OK, that's enough.
Radio bro Matt Case posted this on his Facebook page: When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.
Two Oklahoma men stabbed each other while arguing which is better, Apple or Android. A great example of how Windows is a safer phone.
A woman was caught trying to cheat her way to winning the St. Louis Marathon. They already plan to turn it into a movie, "Cheat me in St. Louis."
Another White House fence jumper was arrested Sunday night. No confirmation yet if it was Hillary Clinton trying to get in, or Joe Biden trying to get out.
Seriously, at this point, why would anyone take something from Liam Neeson, knowing darn well he'll get it back anyway and they'll make a movie out of it?
Liza Minnelli is out of rehab, if you're keeping score at home.
New stats claim that one-third of Americans don't have any retirement income set aside. Do I have one? Well, if you don't include winning the lotto one day, uh, no.
Italian astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti tweeted out a picture of herself in the International Space Station wearing a Star Trek: Voyager uniform. Those are allowed. Alien stomach gag puppets are not allowed.
Frederick's of Hollywood has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Apparently, when it came to managing their money, they were naughty.
Randy Travis has gotten married again. In a related story, the tide came in.
Tim Teabow has signed a contract and will soon be playing with the Eagles. Needless to say, Joe Walsh is not happy...
A group of prostitutes at a brothel in Nevada have endorsed Hillary Clinton for President, calling themselves "Hookers for Hillary." Can't you just hear Bill saying, "Oh, don't worry about it, darlin', I'll handle this one."
Paris Hilton's Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, has died at age 14. That's 98 in dog years or 1,984 in being owned by Paris Hilton years.
I didn't know what to get for Earth Day yesterday. What do you get a planet that has everything?
43 dinosaur eggs were just discovered in China, which should set the record for oldest Easter Egg hunt with the worst results.
People Magazine has named Sandra Bullock the world's most beautiful woman of 2015. Apparently, for the rest of the year, we just can't do any better.
We're getting closer and closer to the day that we're going to be seeing the "Charlie Bit Me Video Reunion Special" on YouTube.
The Department of Energy is warning we could be subject to threats of terror because of the electric grid. As if we don't already consider the electric bill terrifying enough.
Lindsey Vonn says that her boyfriend Tiger Woods is a better skier than she is a golfer. Any doubt that Lindsey's a better girlfriend than he is a boyfriend?
They say 60 is the new 40, except when paying for gas. If you owe 60, they won't take just 40.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE FUTURE SPINOFFS OF JURASSIC PARK
- A new flooring store uses dinosaurs to install their product, "Jurassic Parkay"
- A group of dinosaurs turn into voyeurs in "Jurassic Peek"
- Dinosaurs learn how to play hockey in "Jurassic Puck"
- Prehistoric coffee makes people crazy in "Jurassic Perk"
- A prehistoric pig terrorizes the island in "Jurassic Pork"
TOP FIVE SPRING TRADITIONS YOU CAN START ENJOYING
- Putting sugar in the gas tank so the lawn mower doesn't start
- Putting off those projects again you put off last winter
- Pruning. No, not yardwork, just eating more prunes.
- Go on a nice walk in the woods on the day your wife wanted you to go furniture shopping
- Set up a lawn chair and watch your neighbor do yard work
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---A funny thing happened on our way to a funeral last weekend. Details here on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack