This Week's WACKS
Our 1,004th Edition
""May Day! May Day! We have a May Day! Going down...."
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May 1st, 2015
Then there's the jockey in Australia whose pants fell down in the back stretch, which allowed everyone to see his back stretch. Great news for anyone who bet on him to show.
McDonald's says it is going to develop a new turnaround plan to deal with falling sales. Wait -- where'd the clown go? OMG, there's a red nose in my burger. Awww!
The iWatch began shipping on Friday. Now, iWait.
Jeb Bush is reportedly using 'the caveman diet' to lose weight. Maybe if that works, somewhere in his campaign he'll discover fire.
President Obama says there is less violence in the world today than there was 40 years ago. Someone's not a hockey fan...
Facebook says it is now serving up 4-billion videos a day. That would explain the extremely low unemployment rate for cats.
A health insurance executive has been fired after spending $100,000 of company money on trips with his girlfriend, actress Tara Reid including events where she published raunchy pictures of herself online. No, I won't repeat that story. You should have been listening to the part before "raunchy pictures."
The Dollar Tree stores have been ordered to pay $2.72 Million for illegal hazardous waste disposal. They disposed of the illegal hazardous waste by put $1 price tags on it. "Cool! Whatever it is, it's just a buck!!!"
Mattel has dropped "Sea World Trainer Barbie" because of backlash from animal rights groups. In the eternal quest to be PC, can Bruce Jenner Barbie be far behind?
Scientists say they're closer to cloning a wooly Mammoth. Why is it always scientists who have never seen a single Jurassic Park movie?
Castle star Stana Katic married her longtime boyfriend over the weekend. Good luck pronouncing his name: Kris Brkljak. If you're planning to get a wedding gift, consider maybe a vowel or two?
What always amazes me is the amount of time I spend brushing my teeth, rubber tipping and flossing during the two days before my next dentist appointment.
According to a survey from the Physical Activity Council, Americans are the least active they've been since 2007. In fact, they were supposed to have done the survey last year, but no one ever got around to doing it.
If a policeman arrests a mime, does he still have to tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
Because of the unrest, the public is being locked out of today's Chicago/Baltimore baseball game. Milwaukee Brewers fans are saying, "We can do that?"
Pepsi is dropping aspartame as a sweetener for Diet Pepsi because of health concerns. Sure, because just plain Diet Pepsi is so healthy for you.
A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. Wouldn't you expect that from a country known for chocolate?
Starbucks is now selling high-end coffee beans for $80 a pound. Funny, I thought they already were.
The good news about yesterday Baltimore Orioles game--not a single fan left the game early!!!
In the game, the Baltimore Orioles beat the Chicago White Sox 8-2. The White Sox it didn't happen like that at all!
Also, the first time in baseball history they had a "Seventh inning... oh, never mind!"
Starbucks has a new S'mores Frappuccino, for those who feel their current Starbucks drink just doesn't have enough calories.
Doctors say that having head lice should not bar children from coming to school. Unless, of course, it's the school where their kids go.
A Chinese builder has put up a 57-story skyscraper in just 19 days. Oh, can I be the first one in? Please?
TOP FIVE MOST UNFORTUNATE TATTOOS
- "Bruce Jenner Forever"
- "Your ad could be running here!"
- "See other side"
- "Good spelers rule!"
- "Mem"
TOP FIVE REASONS TO GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED THIS MORNING
- It's attached to the rest of you.
- Don't make us resort to blasting. Again.
- People at work are betting you won't make it in today
- Monday won't go away
- Because the coffee won't deliver itself
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---No good deed goes unpunished. Details here on my blog
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