This Week's WACKS
Our 1,006th Edition
""A thousand and six, pickup sticks!"
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May 15th, 2015

A Ryanair flight took off from Spain to London without any toilet paper on board. Forget about the time -- longest flight ever!

A new study connects a sweet tooth to Alzheimer's Disease. The good news -- an hour after your last Blizzard, you feel like another one.

A study says that dolphins form social networks like people. This also helps explain the popularity of Finbook.

A survey says that 67% of twenty-somethings have put away something for their retirement. Unfortunately, for most, it's an iTunes gift card.

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on the planet on behalf of God. You'd think that God being God wouldn't really need her help.

Remember, cheaters never prosper. As long as you don't include a beautiful wife and a Super Bowl ring 'prosperity'.

The Pentagon says the Chinese military is making thousands of drones in a military buildup. Fortunately, we have Amazon on our side.

Los Angeles is taking steps to protect cell towers during earthquakes. They're also training people how to take Survival Selfies.

FOX is pulling the plug on American Idol after next season. So, Ryan Seacrest will be cutting back on work to only 23 hours a day.  Actually, the joke's on them -- I thought the show had been off the air for years.

Isn't this the part where the owner of the New England Patriots owes the league an apology?

85 days until the first Republican debate. Probably a candidate for each day.

Verizon is buying AOL for $4.4-billion. Both AOL subscribers were said to be shocked.

South Korea's spy agency says it has information that North Korea executed its defense chief for sleeping during a meeting and talking back to young leader Kim Jong Un. On the positive side, no more sleep apnea.

If nothing else, Brian Dunkleman -- Ryan Seacrest's co-host during the first season of "American Idol" -- can enjoy the fact, he was right when he said, "This show will never last."

Google admits its self-driving cars have been involved in eleven accidents in the past six years. The even weirder part? The sound they make when they run into each other: "Bing!"

A study says the world's sea level rising is speeding up. And they laughed at me when I bought that beachfront place in Colorado.

Courtney Love reportedly owes her psychiatrist $48,000. My first two thoughts: "Is that all?" and "Really? Well, he owes her a lot more than that!"

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Nothing embarrasses a Psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.

According to Stephen Hawking, machines will overtake humans within 100 years…said the man with the metallic voice.

New England Patriots fans have started a GoFundMe campaign, to pay the team's fine for Deflategate.  Not surprisingly, Indianapolis Colts fans have launched a PleaseInflateThem campaign.

Scientists say that robotic pets could replace real ones by 2025.  This reminder that responsible pet owners always pick up their pet's batteries.

Las Vegas is hosting a convention for recovering cocaine addicts.  In a related story, people who suffered ankle injuries from strollers are going to Disneyland!

CBS has canceled "CSI" after 15 seasons.  Ironically, investigators have been unable to find out why.

Bill Clinton says he hopes he will be invited to live at the White House if Hillary Clinton is elected President.  Oh, if the furniture could talk.  Actually, it IS talking. Oh, wait--it's coming from underneath that desk….


  1.     The Anti-Violence League Voted You the Number One Person They Wanted to Beat Up
  2.     You were just endorsed by Chris Christie
  3.     The 20,000 bumper stickers you ordered all had your name spelled wrong
  4.     Your campaign manager has endorsed your opponent
  5.     You've been accused of under-inflating your campaign promises


  1.     Gassy
  2.     Hiccup
  3.     Nurse
  4.     Wheezy
  5.     Stinky
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

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