This Week's WACKS
Our 1,010th Edition
"The older you get, fine print isn't"
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June 12th, 2015

Subway announced that it will remove all artificial ingredients from its North American restaurants by 2017. Now, Taco Bell won't have to worry about a shortage.

Remember, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Unless, of course, it's a cherry tree.

The world's tallest cow has died in northern Illinois. Blosom will be remembered at a memorial barbecue this Saturday.

A new study says that chimps have the mental skills to cook food, but most refuse to work for less than $15 an hour.

Japan is mulling the idea of putting emergency toilets in elevators. That's one way of getting people to take the stairs.

Being without your Smartphone may be a new behavior disorder called "nomophobia." I guess because "Nophone-phobia"is a little redundant.

Jurassic World opens up this coming weekend. Gosh, I hope the park opens and nothing goes wrong.

A cat-carried parasite is being linked to schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Yes, you too could become a cat.

A study says that Facebook addiction can lead to depression. To make matters worse, I found out that if I was a tree, I would be a Weeping Willow.

Yahoo says it will be shutting down its Maps site. The guy who used it is said to be really upset.

Seen on Facebook: I have a stepladder. I never knew my actual ladder.

Scientists say they have cracked the code to being happy. Apparently, big news for those who don't occasionally crack open a beer.

California Governor Jerry Brown says he is cutting back on the number of showers he takes to conserve water. Some taxpayers, to help out, are forming one of those Go-Wash-Me funds.

Dunkin Donuts is going to start up a delivery service. For those who feel driving to a store is too much exercise.

Snoop Dogg is suing Pabst Blue Ribbon, saying they owe him money for a portion of the sales price of its Colt 45 malt beer line. Can you believe that? Snoop Dogg is coherent enough to file a lawsuit?

A company has introduced a doll that turns red in the sun to teach kids about sunscreen. Seriously, are parents really getting that lazy?

Scientists say they have cracked the code to being happy. You can tell which scientists by whether or not they're clapping their hands.

Boeing says they're going to be reducing the size of restrooms on their planes. I can see where this is going to go -- tickets being sold with "peeing" or "non-peeing."

Hey, if they don't mind me going from outside, make the restroom as small as you want!

Then again, I could make my one carry-on item a portable toilet.

Apple has added a feature to its iPhone that tracks the user's sexual activity.  Big deal!  An app that works 6 times a year, at the most….

The nation's first resort for pot smokers has opened in Colorado. It offers bike riding and horseback riding and all kinds of fun things that you'll never get around to doing.

A report says it is becoming more acceptable for people to cry at work.  When?  Depends on which day you get paid.

In California, a 99-year-old grandmother has fulfilled her dream of graduating college. Now, to fulfill her dream and finally move out of her parents' house.

Raven-Symoné has been named a permanent co-host on "The View."  That's the show Whoopi Goldberg went to when she quit working.


  1.     He never left last Friday
  2.     Has also proposed "Walk the Plank Wednesdays"
  3.     He's been yelling for half an hour and there's nobody in his office
  4.     Has proposed new company policy of Employee Sacrifices
  5.     He's wearing a shroud and carrying a sickle


  1.     Solution for getting rid of viruses -- running it through the dishwasher!
  2.     There are Mac guys... he's more of a Mac 'n Cheese guy
  3.     After 10 hours, he fixed your monitor by turning it on
  4.     While look at your keyboard, he asked "What's this?"
  5.     He prefers only working on Atari's


  1.     Don't Bet On Me
  2.     Never Wins Anything
  3.     Always Last
  4.     Slowpoke
  5.     Minutes To Live
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

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