This Week's WACKS
Our 1,011th Edition
"I identify with being WACK"
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June 19th, 2015
A Minnesota company is suing spice maker McCormick, saying they are misleading consumers about the amount of pepper in their tins. McCormick says they're insalted.
The profits at Krispy Kreme went up 10% in the second quarter. Funny, so did I.
A report says that whiskey sales have gone up 34% in the past six years. I'm glad to hear it's not just me.
Dick Costolo the CEO of Twitter, has resigned. When asked how it felt, he replied, "There aren't enough words." With Twitter, there never is.
Republican candidate Carly Fiorina said that if she becomes president she wants people to be able to take out their phones and vote on ideas during her speeches. Sounds like her presidency would become a new show, "So you think you can rule?"
Pizza Hut has unveiled a new pizza with a crust that is stuffed with hot dogs. Because, apparently, we're not killing ourselves fast enough.
Jeb Bush announced he's running for president. Who could have seen that one coming?
Benedict Cumberbatch's baby boy was born last weekend. His first words will probably be, "About that last name... "
Maleficent... is that the movie where Angelina Jolie identified as black, or just wore a lot of it? I can't remember...
Al-Qaeda's second in command has been killed in a U.S. airstrike. However, on the positive side, whoever was third in command gets a promotion this week.
A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. This explains those Uber calls no one could understand.
Donald Trump is in. No, the next word is not 'sane'... I meant, in the race for president.
Jack Black says he's going to legally change his last name to Smith, although he will continue to identify with being Black.
The good news for Rachel Dolezal, the former head of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP--it's Saturday Night Live's off-season.
I find it ironic that soccer would have the world's biggest bribery scandal when it's a sport where you don't use your hands. So, you have to pick up the bags of money with your feet?
Gun maker Colt has filed for bankruptcy after 179 years. Why is it that I thought gun sales were the last thing suffering a slowdown?
The world's oldest couple, a 103 year-old-man and 91-year-old woman had lived together for 27 years before finally deciding to get married. They wanted to make sure it would last... and that they would.
They spent their honeymoon getting out of the car.
It would be so much nicer if we could have our mid-life crisis later in life.
It appears because of warmer weather that a lot of the crops are going to be early this year. Just askin', but that does that mean we could move up football season?
A 110-year-old Nebraska man says a beer a day is the secret that has kept him going. And, it's also helped him live a long time.
If a beer a day helps you live a long life, I'm going to start planning my 200th birthday party now.
They say the world's gotten better. I don't know. When I was young, if you got something in the mail from the Army, it could have been a draft notice. Now it's anthrax!
A woman's face will appear on U.S. currency, but now it's the $10 bill. Originally, it was going to be the $20. So, we're making progress, but women are still getting shorted on the dollar amount.
Panhandlers in New York City are trying something new-dressing up as monks. I liked that show.
The FBI is investigating the St. Louis Cardinals for allegedly hacking into the personal information of players on the Houston Astros. Next thing you know, they'll be trying to sneak in deflated baseballs.
TOP FIVE REASONS WHY THAT TRENDY NEW DIET PROBABLY ISN'T GOING TO WORK
- It's printed on chocolate-flavored paper
- You're only allowed to eat what you can fit on a large pizza
- Instead of 3 meals a day, you're supposed to eat 16 small meals a day
- It was invented by the same folks that gave us Spanx
- Who ever heard of the Snickers Diet?
TOP FIVE DINOSAURS THAT WERE NEVER TAKEN SERIOUSLY
- The MyBackIsSaurus
- Barney
- The Tera AFLAC-tyl
- The T-Diddy Rex
- The Inept-a-raptor
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--- The big day is Sunday--my salute to dads this week on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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