This Week's WACKS
Our 1,013th Edition
"1,000 plus one for each original colony"
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July 3rd, 2015
Whole Foods is being investigated in New York City for overcharging their customers. Hey, you don't earn the nickname "Whole Paycheck" by under-charging.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has entered the race for the White House. His southern female supporters are called, "Jindal Belles." Jindal Belles. Their slogan? "Jindal all the way!"
A lamb that was modified with DNA from a jellyfish in the lab was sold to a market in France. It was reportedly delicious, but stinging….
Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn's relationship is said to be hanging on by a thread, due to jealousy issues. Well, and that discount double-check thing….
You know, I really don't care if people call me apathetic….
Sofia Vergara was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding over the weekend. How does any bride in her right mind pick her as a bridesmaid? "Oh, no, really, we were looking at you. No, really."
Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says that marriage counseling is the biggest mistake he's ever made. I would have thought fathering a child with the housekeeper would have locked in that top spot.
Machines are not a threat to eventually take over the world. At least, that's what just showed up on my monitor... ...
About as nervous as Nurse Jackie's life insurance agent...
Seattle hot weather tip number 123---For lunch, have some iced Pho.
In Idaho, millions of bees were killed when their truck overturned. Imagine how many could have survived, if they had only been wearing their little tiny seat belts.
And now, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is in the Republican Presidential Race... and overhanging a little.
Hillary Clinton joined Linkedin last week and says she can't wait to get on there and start deleting messages.
Saw this Facebook post: Pubs -- the official sunblock of Ireland.
Yesterday, I drove by a sign that said, "Zucchini--'300 feet" That's a big zucchini!!!
It's been so hot in Seattle, the Space Needle is now sterilized!
T-shirt spotted: "I'm not 60 -- I'm 18 with 42 years of experience!"
A leap second was added to clocks on Tuesday. No wonder I have that feeling I'm running behind.
Now they're talking about putting a female face on the $10 bill. It's either that, or giving Alexander Hamilton a gender-reassignment makeover.
They say that ISIS is now posting up to 100,000 tweets a day... although, most of those are recruiting messages... to play Candy Crush Saga.
A wedding was held in Japan that featured two robots. The robots said they couldn't help it -- they were just wired that way.
The Reelz cable channel is going to pick up the Miss USA pageant, after it was dropped by NBC because of its affiliation with Donald Trump. Now I've got to find the Reelz channel so I know where it is so I don't watch it.
We're at that unique point in history where Jupiter and Venus are now actually closer than Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.
A study says that marriage adds four and a half pounds to most people. If that's true, I should have been married 10 times by now. OK, 20!
FIVE FIRST DRAFTS OF LINES MADE FAMOUS BY OUR FOREFATHERS
- "Give me liberty or I'll scream!"
- "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to be unprepared."
- "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eggs!"
- "I have not yet begun to be upset"
- "Early to be and early to rise makes a man well-rested."
TOP FIVE SUMMER SAFETY TIPS
- Never stick your water balloons in the freezer for two hours before throwing them
- You really shouldn't apply sunblock with your tongue
- It's not nice to give someone a bikini that dissolves in water
- Don't dive into wading pools
- If you're an astronaut, don't go camping on the sun
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS--- May the 4th be with you. No, wait, it's July 4th! Oh, nevermind. Here's my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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