This Week's WACKS
Our 1,014th Edition
"Being sent to the troops overseas--not ours, theirs"
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July 10th, 2015

The Reelz cable channel is going to pick up the Miss USA pageant, after it was dropped by NBC because of its affiliation with Donald Trump. Now I've got to find the Reelz channel so I know where it is so I don't watch it.

We're at that unique point in history where Jupiter and Venus are now actually closer than Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.

A study says that marriage adds four and a half pounds to most people. If that's true, I should have been married 10 times by now. OK, 20!

Buddy Brian MacMillan says that Carli Lloyd should be nicknamed 'Godzilla', because she simply destroyed Japan.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: A new Rule: As long as a US team is a World Cup champion, all other countries must defer to us and call it "soccer." You have to win back the naming rights to your sport, Other Countries.

Billy Joel also had a surprise wedding on the 4th of July. He's 66, she's somewhere in the low 30s. We wish them well, but we're still placing our bets.

Floyd Mayweather was stripped of his World Welterweight Title after missing the deadline to pay the $200,000 sanctioning fee. Imagine being the guy who has to go up to him and say, "Uh, Mr. Mayweather, we'd like the belt back."

Jeb Bush says he doesn't need his family name to win the presidency. That may be true, but it could help him lose it.

A biographer of Richard Nixon says that Hillary Clinton exhibits some Nixonian attributes. Yeah, it really wouldn't surprise me if someday she says, "I'm not a cook."

Scientists say that southern California has another problem -- a slow natural helium leak from the earth. Residents say they've been complaining about this for years, but their voices were so high, only dogs could hear them.

The Greek government has named Euclid Tsakalotos as the country's new finance minister. While he may help them economically, his name might also cause a vowel shortage.

Burt Shavitz, the founder of Burt's Bees products, has died at the age of 80. How much money did he leave for his kids? None of your beeswax.

Starbucks is going to up it's coffee prices by 20-cents. This time, it's not because of the coffee--it's the price of water!

Starbucks is raising their prices. Well, I guess I'm going to just have to....uh, well, pay it.

Starbucks upped their prices by an average of 10% yesterday. Time to go in and hit up the boss for a "cost of caffeine" raise.

Macy's has cut ties with Donald Trump. No, seriously. They had some Donald Trump brand ties -- cut them all up.

What a ripoff -- I bought a pair of running shorts: they haven't moved since I got 'em!

A new study says that some people age three times faster than others. I've gotta think that parents of teenagers have to be among the leaders.

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson says he and Ciara plan to be celibate until they get married. Hard to imagine any quarterback promising to stay out of the end zone.

I read this report the other day on distracted drivers and how many people are using their phones while driving. It was so upsetting, I had to pull over.

Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he and Ciara are practicing abstinence. Why do they call not doing something abstinence? Or practicing abstinence, like if you do it long enough, you get good at it? I don't want to get good at it!

Oreo has introduced a new look "thin" cookie. I don't know about you, but when I hear the word Oreo I already think of thin...

The U.S. Army is planning on cutting 40,000 troops over the next two years, just in case we have any terrorist groups listening, trying to decide when the best time would be to attack.

Bill Cosby's shows have been dropped by Bounce TV and Centric because of new revelations about drugging women for sex.  As you can imagine, for Cosby, this is a tough pill to swallow….

A study says that women spend five months of their lives deciding what to wear.  In a related study, men spend five months of their lives just waiting….

Who has the more uncertain future: Greece or Jared from Subway?

If you're ticked off about Ariana Grande's "I hate America" comment, I came up with a bumpersticker for you: "The only Grande I like is at Starbucks!"

Seen on Facebook: "I got so much procrastinating done today!"


  1.     Sprinkler in the break room
  2.     Instead of emailing, tie nots to water balloons
  3.     Solid ice office chair
  4.     Stick your underwear in the freezer while wearing it
  5.     Put a box fan in your shorts


  1.     The We-Sucks
  2.     The Wursts
  3.     The Forfeits
  4.     The No-Shows
  5.     The Whiffers
Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS---George Takei didn't lose his cookies in this week's Facebook Post of the Week
PSPS--- A true confession and I'll toss in a video at no extra charge in this week's blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
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PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW My podcast is back!  Listen to the latest episode right here.