This Week's WACKS
Our 1,017th Edition
"If I have to be traded, I hope I go for a future draught pick"
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July 31st, 2015
Bye-bye, July!
Chris Brown had a hard time leaving the Philippines, but he's finally out. I think President Rihanna was just having fun with him...
A study says that poor sleep is tied to some types of cancer. I've never felt more doomed. Great, now THIS will keep me awake at night!
Arnold Schwarzenegger says that global warming is real and not science fiction. But remember, he is from the future...
A German electric car beat the 0-to-62 world speed record with a time of 1.779 seconds. It also set a new record for the world's longest untangled extension cord.
Police in Sweden held Snoop Dogg for a while on suspicion of drug use. Boy, you can get anything past those guys...
With Snoop, you can pretty much assume baked until proven innocent.
Tomorrow is the official release date of Windows 10. I'm half excited, while the other half of me expects Arnold Schwarzenegger to return from the future to tell me, "Don't do it!"
"Titanic" will disappear from Netflix in August. That means this Friday, they'll putting a huge iceberg right in it's path...
I want to be like Russell Wilson and turn down $21-million a year. Go ahead. Make me an offer. I'm waiting. GOTCHA! I'll take it!
China is holding a big celebration today for the world's only surviving panda triplets, who turns one today. Which means, of course, they're at least four years away from having to go to work.
Crap! I just returned from the future to the point in time where I couldn't remember how to make a time machine.
More earthquakes yesterday in Oklahoma. Damage estimates so far are in the tens of dollars.
Wednesday was Windows 10 Launch Day. Oh, as it's known to my Apple friends, Wednesday.
At least installing Windows 10 on Wednesday kept the office camel from walking around, asking what day it is.
The widow of Dr. Seuss found a previously unpublished book of his, "What pet should I get?" Well, she actually found one he had written for a adults, "Dog one, Duck two... " and that's as far as I can go with the title.
Chinese hackers got inside the computer system at United Airlines and disrupted their system so much, several of their flights were actually on time!
I think the lesson to learn here is never let a Minnesota dentist plan your trip to Africa.
The number of Americans not using the Internet has been staying steady at around 15%. These are the people that, when they like something, they don't expect to click a button.
My radio brother Matt Case points out: Tom Brady destroys his cell phone. Aaron Hernandez's cell phone did him in. The Patriots have one heck of a friends and family plan!
Angry Birds 2 came out Thursday. They're still bitter.
At the Orange County Fair in California, they're actually selling deep-fried Slim Fast bars. That makes about as much sense as diet lard.
Today is the trading deadline. We're still trying to figure out if there's a way we can trade Donald Trump for two Republican presidential candidates to be named later.
Every now and then, it seems like the wheels of the world come off. Like when Mia Farrow tweeted out the home address of the Minnesota dentist who killed Cecil the lion. This from the woman who helped raise Woody Allen's wife with him. I'm pounding my head.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR DONALD TRUMP'S 3RD PARTY
- The "How do I get out of this" Party
- The "Bull Hair Moose" Party
- The "Bad Hair" Party
- The "May I be Too Frank" Party
- The "One Party for Each Wife" Party
TOP FIVE SIGNS THIS PROBABLY ISN'T GOING TO BE THE YEAR FOR YOUR BASEBALL TEAM
- Owner has tried three times to put real bull in bullpen
- Official team motto is now, "Oh, well"
- Team using broken bats, saving good ones for next year
- Manager already working on his Fantasy Football picks
- Only team in the league with an in-dugout travel agent
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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