This Week's WACKS
Our 1,018th Edition
"Remember, we're each responsible for picking up after our own Dog Days"
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August 7th, 2015
Tom Brady continues to insist, "I did nothing wrong." This, of course, exclusive of destroying a cell phone full of evidence.
I've heard of losing cell phones and damaging cell phones but totally destroying them? OK, may a few Windows phone owners...
SI says Russell Wilson & the Seahawks have agreed to a 4-year, $87.6-million extension. However, he & Ciara can only celebrate so much.
In the northwest, Seahawks fans were celebrating Blue Friday. But for Russell Wilson, it was Green Friday.
Ironically, when Tom Brady heard about Russell Wilson's contract, he felt it was over-inflated.
Mark Everson has filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission about being excluded from Thursday's Republican Debate. Of course, the Commission's first comment was, "Who?"
'Can you prove you're psychic?" "I knew you were going to ask that question!" "Good enough for me!"
Congress is on their five-week recess. I thought I'd let you know, since it's so hard to tell the difference from when they're at work.
Vice-President Joe Biden is considering a run for president, since comedy writers have already started recycling their Donald Trump material.
Trump said if his presidential campaign fails, he will "ride into the sunset." Thelma and Louise have offered to drive.
Kentucky Fried Chicken has come out with something called the KFC Memories Bucket, which prints pictures of you and your friends eating their chicken. My KFC love handles are memories enough... ...
The first Republican debate was last night on FOX. 80-minutes worth of introductions and opening statements and 10 minutes for questions.
50-cent says he has $108,000 of monthly expenses. Sounds like he needs to start clipping coupons.
While on the other side of the world, Snoop Dogg was busted in Italy for having too much undeclared cash. See, if he would just hang around 50-cent more often, he wouldn't have that problem.
Twitter stock has hit an all-time low. Company execs were at a loss of words, which, being Twitter, was probably for the better.
I don't know... I just felt that if I watched the Republican debate, I'd be able to rule out a lot of considerations in one sitting.
From my buddy, Skip Tucker: I, for one, am a little disappointed that the people who make Head and Shoulders have not yet taken the initiative to come up with a shower gel called Knees and Toes.
A survey says that women prefer Coach hand bags to others, but don't want to pay the price. Of course, as a guy, the answer is obvious -- just buy a Coach label and stick it on your purse!
A poll says 60% of Americans try to avoid drinking soda... at least until their Diet Coke break.
A study is trying to find out if hamsters can be happy. Although, we obviously know their favorite TV show is "Wheel."
A new study claims that less sex actually makes you happier. I haven't seen the study, but my wife told me about it.
Radio bro Dan Murphy found out why Miss Piggy broke up with Kermit the Frog: he never told her he was amphibious.
There were 10 candidates last night in the Republican debate, unless you count Chris Christie as two….then there were 11.
A new report says that we'll be having sex with robots within 50 years. Apparently, they like to play hard to get.
A 110 year old New Jersey woman says the secret to longevity is three beers and a shot of whiskey every day. That's why I don't hang out with 110-year-old women. I can't keep up with them.
Tom Brady says he never asked anyone to deflate footballs. However, he does admit to asking someone to make the leather around the air inside looser.
Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is being encouraged to run against Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Pundits say there's a tall-skinny chance of that happening.
TOP FIVE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ADDED TO THE REPUBLICAN DEBATE TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING
- Lie-detectors on each candidate
- All questions asked in Spanish
- Shock collars
- Pies
- Slime
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE COUNTRY
- President Ever Ready Die Hard should be a clue
- Metal detectors at airport replaced with flesh detectors
- Heads on Mount Rushmore replaced with Transformers
- Doctors and Mechanics switched salaries
- Bill Gates revealed as robot -- says our Windows 10 plan is working perfectly
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---Seattle has more problems than I thought. Details on my blog
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