This Week's WACKS
Our 1,019th Edition
"Dedicated to the memory of my father, John Hunter, without whom, you would not be getting this"
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
August 14th, 2015
The Republicans held their first debate last Thursday, making us all realize just how long it's going to be between now and a year from November.
It wasn't just their answers, but also some of the questions the candidates raised. Like the time Chris Christie asked a guy in the audience, "Are you going to finish that sandwich?"
Moody's Analytics predicts that a Democrat will win the White House next year. Of course, they also had the Cleveland Cavaliers this year.
A poll says that 40% of Democrats want Joe Biden to enter the race. And 90% of Republicans.
A light post in San Francisco collapsed from corrosion caused by urine. Talk about the ultimate pisser!
San Francisco linebacker Aldon Smith was arrested for hit and run, DUI and vandalism. Or, as it's known in the NFL as the trifecta.
According to a new study, 15% of Americans do not use the Internet. The even better news -- we can make fun of them on Facebook and Twitter and they'll never know!
Target has removed gender labels from its kids' sections after getting complaints. Pity those 5-year-old boys who are hoping for a bike and, instead, get their first party dress.
A judge in Texas ordered a man to either marry his fiancee or go to jail. So, basically he got to choose between 30 days or a life sentence.
Ben Affleck, his ex-nanny and Tom Brady all flew to Vegas together on a private plane. I have a feeling Tom is going to have to appeal that decision at home.
The Minnesota Vikings have led the NFL with the most arrests for five straight years. This from the official team Bail Bondsman.
China has deflated their currency, which had some Chinese so upset, they had to be sent to their rooms for a time out.
Target announced that they're going to move towards more gender-neutral merchandise. For example, the "His and Her" towels are now labeled "That Person" and "The Other One."
Elvis Presley's private nurse says she is going to release a book about her years with the singer. I'm thinking of book titles: "I want nothing but a hot dog"... "Love me some tenders"... ... ... "You gonna finish that sandwich?"
A climate study says that several species of butterflies are on the brink of extinction. Which, of course, means we all need to... finish our collections as quickly as possible!
The Post Office has reduced its quarterly loss down to only $586 Million. Sounds like they're gearing up to take over healthcare!
Megyn Kelly says she won't apologize to Donald Trump. Trump says he'll probably apologize to her, eventually. But she'll have to get in line like everybody else.
A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. For example, the phrase "Egad, man."
Some day, I predict, we're going to find out that Perseid Meteors prefer baths.
Wonder Bread is buying Portland craft baker "Dave's Killer Bread." The new company will be called, "I Wonder Who Killed Dave?"
A new study says men never truly get over a breakup. I'll be honest, it still hurts when I think of the Bay City Rollers going separate ways…..
A New York woman who won $7 Million in a lottery says she wants to go to Disney World. Well, she's got enough for her and six guests-go for it!
McDonald's has increased the size of its Quarter Pounder patty from 4 ounces to 4.25 ounces. Now, to see if the name "4.25/16 Burger" catches on.
A study says that playing music during surgery can ease pain and anxiety for the patient. However, it does make it tougher for the doctor to do the surgery while you're playing the guitar.
Nestle is being sued by the government of India for selling noodles that contain lead. On the positive side, their national school pencil shortage is officially over.
TOP FIVE SAFE CAMPAIGN PROMISES YOUR CANDIDATE CAN MAKE
- "Getting my bumpersticker off your car will be a bear!"
- "If I'm elected, I will have the most votes"
- "I will put a chicken in every KFC"
- "I guarantee not to keep very many of them"
- "I promise to make more promises"
TOP FIVE REASONS YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T INVEST IN THAT COMPANY
- They ask to be paid in unmarked bills
- Do you really think you can make that much at a camel wash?
- Their stock was chosen a "Smart Buy" by Bankruptcy Magazine
- The company slogan is, "God, we hope this works out"
- The CEO asked you what CEO stood for
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---The week I said goodbye. Details on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW My podcast is back! Listen to the latest episode right here.