This Week's WACKS
Our 1,021st Edition
"No rest for the Wacky"
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August 28th, 2015
The State Department says that Blackberry's that were issued to Hillary Clinton's aides were either destroyed or reissued. This could explain why Hillary said in her last press conference, "Go Patriots!"
Mister Softee ice cream trucks are suing a competitor over stealing its jingle. They say the suit could last for years and, eventually, end up older than the ice cream they sell.
An Ohio boy born with no ears got a new pair through a rare surgery. I suppose it would be insensitive to wish him, "Happy new ears!"
Former NBA Commissioner David Stern is being pushed to run for Mayor of New York City... but being warned to never even consider running for Mayor of Seattle.
Washington State University wins the dubious honor of most college football players arrested over the past five years with 31. What's the best day for a WSU football players reunion? Visitors Day!
A new Harvard study says that sarcasm may actually be good for you. It was hard saying that with a straight face.
A Florida man was arrested for assaulting a woman with sauerkraut. That's usually not a weapon for me until a couple of hours after I've eaten it.
The USDA has issued a regulation to stop using the term "midget" raisins after a group says it is offensive. What a bunch of prunes!
Donald Trump's recent immigration plan would cost at least $166 billion. But he'd still be saving a lot because he'd be using the guys from the Home Depot parking lot...
At Ohio State University, it was just announced a tiny human brain has been grown in a lab. The first thing it did was announce it was running for president...
The war of words continues between Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly. They were going to have a battle of wits, but both were unarmed.
The stock market's been falling faster than Josh Duggar's pants at an Ashley Madison convention! Just sayin'....
Microsoft has rolled out the Nokia 222. I believe that's the first cellphon
Starbucks' CEO is telling baristas that the stock market drop may cause high stress levels in customers. I'm reminded of the phrase, "No foam, Sherlock!" or something like that….
McDonald's is set to open their first restaurant in Siberia. Kids will be able to order their "Not completely happy because we still live here" meals.
Microsoft's Windows 95 turns 20 years old this week, which reminds me: maybe I need to upgrade.
Commuters in Washington, D.C. have the worst traffic, spending 42 hours a year stuck, going nowhere. I believe that at least ties them with congress.
A new study claims that taking fish oil DOESN'T help your brain. After taking it all those years, I'm feeling pretty stupid. Better take more.
McDonald's says it will open its first restaurant in Siberia, which will be convenient. If anyone ever says, "I'd rather die than eat here!" you can just tell them to step outside!
Stephen Hawking says there could be a way out of a black hole. Great news for Mariners fans!!!
Temperatures in Los Angeles are near the 100-degree mark. It was so hot, Kobe Bryant was seen passing a ball just for the breeze!!!
TOP FIVE THINGS YOUR STOCKBROKER PROBABLY SAID OVER THE PAST WEEK
- "Now, aren't you glad our windows don't open?"
- "Forward all my calls to Switzerland"
- "Don't panic -- I've got that!"
- "Oh, it can't go down any more... can it?"
- "Forward all my mail to Belize"
TOP FIVE MOST UNFORTUNATE MILITARY NAMES
- Private Parts
- Major Disaster
- Admiral Dishwasher
- General Description
- Corporal Punishment
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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