This Week's WACKS
Our 1,022nd Edition
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September 4th, 2015
Colorado theater shooter James Holmes has been sentenced to 12 life sentences along with another 3,318 years in prison. I still think he got off easy.
The Center for Disease Control says 1 in 5 American children and teens are obese. Actually, 1 out of every 5 American kids are actually 2 out of 5 any other place kids.
The Philadelphia Phillies say they are going to expand protective netting around their ballpark. Not sure if it's to protect fans from foul balls or to keep the fans from going after the team.
Hillary Clinton was seen wearing a "Just say no" t-shirt the other day. It was while meeting with Joe Biden.
At a press conference last week, Donald Trump kicked out a Latino reporter but the man returned a few minutes later. Trump then conducted the rest of the press conference while building a small wall.
A new study says a nap a day actually helps keep your blood pressure down and fight off heart attacks. It's what I've been telling my boss for years...
So Kanye West announced he's running for president in 2020. That's what our country needs -- a Kardashian first lady.
The CEO of Ashley Madison was let go in the wake of the massive hack of their membership list. To make matters worse, it appears the company had been seeing other CEO's on the side.
The CDC says that meth lab injuries are on the increase. Obviously, we need safer meth labs.
Tom Brady says his suspension has made him feel deflated. Sometimes they write themselves...
According to a new survey, 40% of us actually fear that someday, we'll be destroyed by machines. Aren't vending machines slowly doing that to us now?
Just a quick note of honesty -- I haven't kept up with the Kardashians and I'm so incredibly OK with that.
Up north in the Canadian Football League, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have started off their season 0-8. I believe Saskatchewan is a First Nation term meaning "Oakland Raiders."
Kanye West for President swag has begun hitting store shelves. The 99-Cent Stores have been notified to stand by...
Some people are surprised that Donald Trump isn't running attack ads. He IS an attack ad.
China says that 197 people have been punished for posting rumors online. OK, make that 198. It was actually way more than that.
Rick Perry's Iowa staff has been cut back to just one person. And it turns out that person is only doing it because she thought he might be related to Katy Perry...
Clothing chain Forever 21 is looking to borrow $150 Million to stay in business. That would explain their new name, "Maybe only for a while 21."
James L. Flanagan, who developed technology to enable computers to talk has died at age 89. A computer will speak at his funeral, talking about the history of the Volkswagen Vanagan.
Now Facebook is posting Friend Anniversaries? (When you became a friend with someone on Facebook) If you want to be helpful, notify me when it's my wedding anniversary... whenever that is...
Ronda Rousey has accepted a soldier's invitation to be his date for an upcoming dance. Now there's a situation to give a mom something to worry about…and I'm not talking about hers….
A shipment of radioactive material sent to Texas A&M has been reported as missing. Someone expecting a Beverly Hillbillies box set from Amazon is going to be really surprised...
A study says that daily pot smoking on U.S. college campuses is at a 35 year high. Now I look back on my college years and feel like an under-achiever.
A study says that Daylight Saving Time harms the alertness of high school students. Yes, this is the same study that came out last year, but obviously, you weren't paying attention, either.
A scientist has determined that the earth has 3-trillion trees. Good news for humanity, but ever better news for dogs!
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR CLUB OR ORGANIZATION MAY BE IN TROUBLE
As far as members go, you're it
Every meeting opens with an attempt on the president's life
Your official motto is "Doomed to fail"
You meet at a bus stop
You're not only on all five committees, you ARE the committees
TOP FIVE SIGNS THERE'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE GOING ON
Johnny Carson back hosting Tonight Show but all he says is "Auughghghg"
The number one cause of headaches is now sharp objects
Miley Cyrus' new fragrance is called "Rotting Flesh"
Neighbor's dog upset because neighbor just ate the mailman
Average age at family reunion--174
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS---George Takei keeps it simple this week in our
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PSPS---Reflecting on life, on my
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