This Week's WACKS
Our 1,026th Edition
"It's October! Time to move on to Valentine's Day at Costco!"
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October 2nd, 2015
A new study claims that Americans eat all day long. I was reading about that today between second lunch and first snack.
In one of his speaking engagements, Pope Francis called illegal immigrants "pilgrims." Talk about dejà vu!
A new study suggests that people who fidget at their desks are less likely to die than those who sit still. Of course, what will they do with those extra minutes of life? Fidget.
The Mercer Island, Washington, School District has banned their students from playing tag because it's too dangerous. They will allow them to play hop, but scotch has been banned because of the alcohol reference.
Speaker of the House John Boehner announced his resignation, effective October 30th. Apparently, somebody misses being home on Halloween.
The CEO of Porsche is going to take over the top spot at Volkswagen, which, if nothing else, means that Volkswagen will be able to keep cheating, just faster.
Kenny Rogers announced that, after his next tour, he's retiring. Well, if anyone knows when to fold 'em, it's Kenny...
A 105-year-old Japanese man has set a new record in his age group for the 100-meter dash. Although, to be honest, those events are always held downhill. It's not like he has a choice.
Some Mormons were actually viewing last Sunday's 'Blood Moon' as a sign of the end of times. Of course, just a few years ago, they felt the same way about Mitt Romney.
Asians are expected to pass Hispanics as our largest immigration group by 2065. Since I would be 110 by then, I'm going to start not caring now.
You always see the Super Models everywhere. You never hear about the So-So Models.
NASA announced yesterday that they've found evidence that there once existed flowing water! But enough about California.....
AMC says this Friday is the 35th anniversary of "The Shining." I don't feel like I should get a card, but I'm afraid not to....
Brown University is the latest school to withdraw the honorary degree they gave to Bill Cosby, despite Cosby's attempts to get together and discuss the matter over drinks.
Helen Mirren says her days of on-screen nudity are over. Great -- another thank you note to write.
Tuesday was National Coffee Day. You can who celebrated too much -- they never went to sleep.
Tuesday was National Coffee Day? For me, EVERY DAY is National Coffee Day!
The Mark Hotel in Manhattan has become the world's most expensive hotel, offering a room for $75,000 a night. If you ever stay there, for God's sake, don't touch anything in the mini-bar!
"The Simpsons" will feature an episode this season where character Waylon Smithers reveals he is gay. That will be the same episode where scientists discover the ocean is actually wet.
Scientists say there IS running water on Mars which, of course, leads to the obvious conclusion-there could also be a Starbucks!
I show an article to my boss, "Three signs of an overly critical boss." He told me the article was wrong, there are actually five.
Weather forecasters say the Pacific Northwest should be ready for a wetter than normal winter because, of course, they're always so accurate in their forecasting.
A new study came out that says drinking more beer could lower women's risk of a heart attack by 30 percent. "See, darlin', I was only thinking of you."
Facebook has gone down twice this past week. Just in case you're wondering why I didn't like your cat video….
Attorneys for Kentucky official Kim Davis are claiming that she had a secret meeting with Pope Francis during his visit to America - and said he told her to "stay strong." Must have been after my meeting with him at Starbucks.
A report says that by 2050 human on robot sex will be more common than that between humans. I'm just envisioning coming home after a long day of work, and there she is, with a can of Penzoil on ice….
Twitter says it is planning on going beyond the current limit of 140 characters. That's great! I know many times, I end up running ou
Recreational marijuana sales began Thursday in Oregon. So far, so far out.
Facebook has gone down twice in the past week. Those were some tense moments. I found myself liking something and not knowing what to do!
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW FINANCIAL ADVISER
- He keeps asking to borrow money
- Former consultant for Greece and Brazil
- Just two weeks ago, had you buy all that Volkswagen stock
- Still thinks VHS tapes will make a comeback
- Has the bankruptcy court on his speed dial
TOP FIVE SIGNS THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG WEEK
- Traffic reporter on the radio warns everyone to avoid where ever you're going
- You just tripped and fell over a fortune cookie
- Your first cup of coffee just went from your cup to your lap
- Your boss is waiting for you downstairs in your kitchen
- You went to be Friday night and woke up this morning
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---It appears "The Great Experiment" might actually work. Details on my blog.
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW Jeff Probst, waterbeds and Michael Jackson in this week's podcast right here.