This Week's WACKS
Our 1,027th Edition
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October 9th, 2015

Stephen Hawking says that if space aliens come to Earth the outcome "might not be a positive one." And that's exactly my argument why we need to get going and building those Tranformers.

A report says that Saudi Arabia is facing a cash crunch because of the falling price of oil. A prince reportedly told the driver of his massage therapist's personal trainer that he was being let go.

A menu from the last lunch on the Titanic has sold at auction for $88,000. As if you could order anything from it...

A study says that washing dishes is a great stress reliever. For the record, it didn't work on my wife, either.

A group of women kicked off the Napa Valley Wine Train in August filed an $11 million racial discrimination lawsuit against the company Thursday. It sounds like the owner of the wine train is going to have start drinking some of the profits.

Ronda Rousey has made history as the first female to appear on the cover of Men's Health Magazine. I guess the guy who originally tried to tell her "no" is still in recovery...

A man says he was fired from his job in New Jersey for excessive flatulence and that trying to get his job back has been like pulling fingers.

Starbucks says its eggs will be cage free by 2020. However, the chickens will still be expected to work the drive-through window...

David Cassidy has been charged in Florida with hit and run, an improper lane change and having a suspended license and expired tags. Other than that, things are going great.

The U.S. Post Office is selling special commemorative stamps of Charlie Brown. Not surprising, since I'm pretty sure he's been running the place the past decade...

There is nothing like a beautiful sun-drenched fall day to make you realize just how streaky your windows are.

McDonald's is now serving breakfast all day! You no longer have to be awake and out the door by 10:30.

Customer credit and debit card numbers may have been stolen at seven Trump hotels after its payment systems were hacked for nearly a year. Jimmy Fallon says that Trump is promising to build a huge firewall...

A granite monument of the Ten Commandments has been removed from the Oklahoma Capitol grounds. Apparently, thou canst now...

One group of doomsday believers said the world was going to end yesterday. Here's hoping they're wrong, so I didn't bother writing this for nothing.

I don't follow baseball as closely as I once did, but I found out something surprising this week. When did the Houston Astros move to the American League?

CBS is bringing back the show "MacGyver," after writers created a script using only a paper clip, some napkins and a bottle of food coloring.

Scientists say an exercise pill may be available in the future that will have the same effects as working out. Now, to figure out who I can trick to bring that to me so I don't have to get up.

Remember, the $1,000 artist of the day today is Billy Joel. The next time you hear any Billy Joel song, please send me $1,000.

A Texas girl has reportedly been sneezing 12,000 times a day.  I don't know who to feel worse for-the girl or her mom, who keeps saying, "Bless you."

18 year old Kylie Jenner has added a $320,000 Rolls Royce to her car collection.  In a related story, I can't even afford the Matchbox version of a Rolls Royce.

I still think Marco Rubio sounds like something you'd play in a swimming pool.

Vice-President Joe Biden put on a jogging suit this morning and then just sat there.  He couldn't decide if he wanted to run or not.

Congrats to Barack and Michelle Obama, who just celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary!  I believe that is the Kale anniversary.  At least, at their house.

Bud Light has created a new device that alerts you when the beer supply in your fridge is running low.  For all those times you're too drunk to count.


  1.     The People of Colorado versus Oh, wow, we forgot
  2.     Diet Coke versus Coke Zero
  3.     Ronda Rousey versus anyone
  4.     "Joe versus the Volcano"
  5.     The case of "He looked at me versus She looked at me first"


  1.     You prefer tofu
  2.     You still like to shower every day
  3.     Why do you keep signing up for 5Ks?
  4.     You aspire to be a posture coach
  5.     You keep moaning a One Direction song

Laugh a little, would ya?                 

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