This Week's WACKS
Our 1,029th Edition
"IGo Kanye West, young man."
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October 23rd, 2015
Donald Trump is threatening to skip the next debate. There's a large group doing everything they can to make sure he's there. They're called Democrats.
Mariah Carey and her Australian Billionaire boyfriend James Packer are said to be pretty serious. Meanwhile, Mariah Carey's ex, Nick Cannon, is said to be not.
Nick's trying to think of a nickname for his current situation. As if a nickname for a guy named Nick isn't redundant, "Loose Cannon" is already taken.
It's always awesome to watch the leaves on my neighbor's tree turn those magnificent colors. All the up until they fall and land in my yard.
In Southern California, it appears El Nino could make this a long winter. Well, and the whole Dodgers thing didn't help.
A Dutch team that has grown the world's first lab burger says they hope to have it on the market in five years. Hamburger grown in a lab. The Frankenburger!
The group that owns the dating sites Tinder and Match has filed to go public. They like the prospects and long walks on the beach...
Lindsay Lohan says she wants to run for President in 2020. Sorry Lindsay, but Kanye has already grabbed that gag.
Lady Gaga says she suffers from depression and anxiety. I had no idea she was a Cubs fan.
Congress returned from their one-week break yesterday... probably to discuss why their breaks are only one-week long.
This year's Halloween drinking game -- have a shot for every Elsa from "Frozen" that comes to your door.
Hershey's is coming out with a new Chocolate Kiss that is double the size of the old ones. Thank God we solved the issue of always having to reach over and grab a second one.
Lamar Odom came out of the hospital and saw his shadow, which of course means six more weeks of rehab.
McDonald's has introduced a new hamburger in China that comes in a gray bun. Because so many foods we eat are gray, like... uh... uh...
Jim Webb announced yesterday that he's dropping out of the Democratic presidential race. He was going to announce it at the debate last week, but they just now got around to him.
Oslo, Norway is planning to ban cars in its city center by 2019. Needless to say, the meter maids aren't wild about this concept.
The U.S. says it will clean up an area of Spain where it accidentally dropped four H-Bombs in 1966. It was known as "Project OOPS!"
In a similar move, Miley Cyrus announced she would return to a Denny's in California where she dropped four F-bombs last week.
A study says the number of moles on a person's right arm could be tied to a risk of skin cancer. While good to know, please don't count them while driving into work...
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal says he may skip the next Republican presidential debate. Most of the reaction was, "Uh, you're still in this?"
Jim Webb says he may run as an independent candidate for President which, of course, thrilled both of his supporters.
The Seattle Mariners are interviewing candidates and hope to hire someone soon for the position of "the guy they'll be firing in a couple of years."
Bevo XIV, the University of Texas' longhorn mascot, has passed away from bovine leukemia. The funeral and barbecue will be held after the game this weekend.
The heck with a self-driving car -- someone invent a self-driving golf ball!!!
A theater chain has apologized for the new "Star Wars" movie ticket sales crashing websites from too much traffic. They blame Star Wars fans for using too much Force.
A 100-year-old New York woman still works six days a week at a dry cleaners. She says she's only 20 years away from being able to afford to retire…..
Zooey Deschanel has revealed the name of her baby daughter: Elsie Otter. Isn't it just a matter of time before Zooey starts, "Take your Otter to Work Day?"
Canada's new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, once put on a striptease show for charity. Apparently on the night Charity didn't work at the strip club.
TOP FIVE SKELETON FAVORITES
- Favorite most often heard saying: "I have a bone to pick with you"
- Favorite sexist saying: "I'm a breast plate man"
- Favorite drink before bed: "A Knee Cap"
- Favorite baseball statistic: "Ribbies"
- Favorite TV Show: "Bones"
TOP FIVE ANTI-BERNIE SANDERS SLOGANS OUT THERE
- "Weak End With Bernie"
- "Bernie Won't Let You Play On His Lawn"
- "Don't Get Berned"
- "Sanders for Colonel, Not President"
- "Bucket List, Not Socialist"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
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