This Week's WACKS
Our 1,030th Edition
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October 29th, 2015

This past week, both Jim Webb and Lincoln Chafee announced they were dropping out of the Democratic Presidential race. At the debates, they were always referred to as "the others."

Lincoln Chafee announced Friday that he is dropping out of the Democratic presidential race, shocking thousands of people who didn't even know he was running.

A survey says that Americans are planning to spend an average of $812 on Christmas presents, the most since 2007. I'd like to say thanks ahead of time to my family, since most of that will obviously be spent on me.

A study says that lifting weights twice a week may aid the brain. Full 12-ounce beer cans don't count.
Scientists have just discovered that comets contain alcohol and sugar. Big deal! So do Mai Tai's.

Khloe Kardashian left Lamar Odom's side briefly so that she could attend sister Kim's baby shower. She had a note from her mother.

The World Health Organization says processed meats such as ham and sausage can lead to colon and other cancers, and red meat is probably cancer-causing as well. It probably would be a good idea for me to cut back on my bacon to every other meal.

A sign of things to come in the U.S.? Down in Guatemala, a former TV comedian won election as their country's president. Apparently adding a pie fight to the debates turned out to be a good idea.

According to a new study, human DNA was found in 2% of the hot dogs sampled. Just putting the Frank into Frankfurter.

Let her go. If she comes back, she is truly yours. If she doesn't, you probably messed up on one of the calculations for the bungee cord.

A report from the National Academy of Sciences says that lions are declining almost everywhere. To which everyone in Detroit responded, "Yeah, tell us about it."

Jimmy Fallon has injured himself three times this year in a fall. Talk about living up to your name.

This is change the clock weekend. What's the old slogan? "Spring Ahead, Fallon injured?"

Halle Berry And Olivier Martinez are getting divorced after just two years of marriage. I think if I lived in Hollywood and was getting married, I'd just rent the ring.

Math scores in our schools have gone down for the first time in 25 years. That's almost a decade!

Remember, this is the weekend we turn the clocks back an hour. My boss always likes to do it on Fridays, around 5 o'clock.

Leah Remini says that Tom Cruise is the reason she left Scientology. Tom Cruise responded by saying that Leah Remini is the reason he quit watching "The King of Queens."

A New York man is reportedly building a sovereign nation in a remote part of Utah that will be called Zaqistan. My guess is, the guy's name is Zack.

A survey says that 18% of Americans have never paid for cable or satellite service. Of those, 100% have asked that we not mention that statistic to their neighbors...

Hard to believe there's only one more World Series after this one before the next presidential election.

Just two days away from Halloween. Just about time to start thinking about a costume...

You heard about the congressman who dressed up like a ghost? Yeah, he wanted to be the Spooker of the House.

Hayes Grier and Emma Slater were the latest couple to be voted off "Dancing with the Stars."  It's funny, the stars they choose for this show always inspire the same question: "Who?"

China has dropped its infamous One Child Only policy.  However, they will continue to strictly enforce their no-Duggar rule.

Among the take-aways from the Republican debate the other night.  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie took away two jelly donuts and a Danish.

Chris Christie got really upset the other night when the topic of discussion at the Republican debate turned to fantasy football. Sounds like somebody has Tony Romo on their team……

After appearing on Stephen Colbert's "The Late Show" Wednesday night, Oprah Winfrey was approached by a guy claiming that he was "her secret son."  You'd think she would have remembered a thing like that…


  1.     "Begin searching for the antidote immediately"
  2.     "You will be traded to the Chicago Cubs"
  3.     "A wealthy uncle forgets and leaves you out of his will"
  4.     "Don't bother with any more magazine subscriptions"
  5.     "Help! I'm being held in a Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory!"


  1.     "Harry Potter and... does it really matter?"
  2.     "Harry Potter and the Lad That Drove Me Mad"
  3.     "Harry Potter and I Blame His Mother"
  4.     "Harry Potter and the Little Brat"
  5.     "Harry Potter and He's Such a Good Boy"

Laugh a little, would ya?                 

PS---Not a two-pack.  Oh, just see this week's Facebook Post of the Week!
PSPS---Walking down Halloween Memory Lane on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW Got a Halloween episode of my podcast for you right  here.