This Week's WACKS
Our 1,031st Edition
"Remember, there are no small jobs. Only tiny font."
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November 6th, 2015
Seen on Facebook: My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick, especially since his name is Steve.
A Harvard study says that increased CO2 levels from global warming makes people dumber. To show how bad the problem is, we believe it!
An actor on "Days Of Our Lives" was arrested after attempting to punch a bartender. Boy, you can't even go get a drink without turning it all into a soap opera!
Russell Brand says he ended his marriage with Katy Perry because he didn't want her "vapid life of celebrity." Which is interesting, since the only time you hear the name Russell Brand is when he talks about once being married to Katy Perry.
Jeb Bush says he is willing to sell kisses for tax cuts. Hey Jeb, take that promise to West Hollywood and see what happens.
Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson has endorsed Donald Trump. When I think of clear-thinking individuals, Tyson's the first person that comes to mind.
In Nebraska, a drunk woman snuck into the zoo and was bit while trying to pet a tiger. Apparently, it was annoyed by the phrase, "Nice kitty" over and over...
A giant crack in the earth is forming in Wyoming. It's now over 750-yards long and located near the towns of Lower back and Baby's Got Buttes, Wyoming.
Tiger Woods' former caddy, Steve Williams, has a book coming out in which he claims Tiger treated him like a slave. OK, a slave with a huge paycheck...
Time to get those Veterans Day lights up.
A new study claims that drinking two Diet Cokes a day can damage your heart. Good thing I don't stop at 2...
A new study says that that cats are neurotic and are out to kill their owners. It turns out, all these years later, the dog was telling the truth!
From my buddy Skip Tucker: You'd think with a name like "ESPN," they'd probably already know the score in advance.
Just a reminder that if you want to get your votes to count, you have to have your ballot.....oh, crap! It's Wednesday! Never mind....
Ohio voted against legalizing marijuana. Not surprising, they also voted down changing the state name to "O-Wow-O!"
That Taco Bell executive who was filmed hitting an Uber driver has been fired. He no longer quiero's Taco Bell.
Jeb Bush's polling numbers have him at just 4%, which is below Carson, Trump, Rubio, Fiorina and Cruz, but above skim milk.
A new study says a half hour of walking is actually better for you than working out in a gym. I suppose the best of both worlds would be for you to join a gym that's a half-hour walk away.
Google says it's looking at delivery by drones as early as 2017. The only thing left to figure out is the deadly-laser feature for lousy tippers.
It's Day 4 of forgetfulness. Or, is it Day 5? Whatever....
We hear that Kanye West gets his hair cut every day…at $500 a cut! Sounds like presidential material.
In just one day this week, our national debt increased by $339-billion. At some point, we're going to at least act concerned.
Economists are warning that global warming is resulting in people having less sex. Well, at least now I have an explanation…and it's not me! Yay!
The IRS says that individual audits are at an 11 year low. I was thinking, if the IRS wanted to make sure people were more honest about taxes, once each year they should just randomly mail out hand-written notes to people that simply say, "We know what you did."
The stores start putting out the Christmas stuff the day after Labor Day. What if, instead of waiting until Thanksgiving, we get extremely grateful for all we have now and do that every day through Thanksgiving? Just a thought…..
TOP FIVE LESSER-KNOWN CATEGORIES IN THE COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS
- "Most likely to get none of them back"
- "Most likely to get their girl back"
- "Most likely to get their truck back"
- "Most likely to get their dog back"
- "Most likely to get their house back"
TOP FIVE THINGS YOU COULD DO WITH YOUR LEFTOVER HALLOWEEN CANDY
- Save it for next year...again.
- Mail it to me
- Drop it off at Weight Watchers (you can be so cruel)
- Finally try that all-candy diet you've had that theory about
- Put it all in a blender and make an incredible Candy Smoothie
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---Sharing some life experiences this week on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook? So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW Talking with the late Dick Clark this week on my podcast right here.