This Week's WACKS
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December 4th, 2015

Red Lobster says it will increase the size of the shrimp they use in certain dishes after complaints from customers they were too small. Isn't there a size where shrimp stop being shrimps?

So we've hit the point where it's no longer too early to play Christmas music. Yet, it's still too early to talk about running for president, but do we pay attention to that? NOOOOOOO!!!

Every year, the Butterball turkey talk hotline receives more than 100,000 phone calls. At their end, carefully trained volunteers who manage not to burst out laughing until after they hang up.

Not making this up -- a local strip club had up on their readerboard, "Pumpkin Spiced Lap Dances."

There was another White House fence jumper over the holiday weekend. We're getting closer and closer to that becoming an Olympic sport.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: Note to self--when the minister says, "You may now kiss the bride", he's talking to the groom.

Kobe Bryant says this year will be his last in the NBA. I can't imagine him passing on another year. Well, maybe it's because I just can't imagine him passing anything...

A study says smoking strong pot can destroy the brain's white matter. And remember: White matter matters.

Some new apps help women improve their chances of getting pregnant. You mean, like Tinder?

In a recent interview, Ben Carson said that Thomas Jefferson wrote the U.S. Constitution, when he actually wrote the Declaration of Independence. A spokesman for Carson said, "It was the best of quotes, it was the worst of quotes."

Kim and Kanye are less than a month out from their next baby and they haven't picked out a name yet! Then again, not a lot of work went into the last one. "Which way is the freeway going right now? OK, done!"

Quentin Tarantino's new film "The Hateful Eight" is 3 hours long and even has an intermission. That way all the killers can rest up and have a strong second half.

Director Spike has said that Donald Trump "is like Hitler." Needless to say, Hitler supporters are highly insulted.

The Pentagon plans to send additional U.S. special operations forces to Iraq to conduct raids on Islamic State targets. To keep the government's promise of "no boots on the grounds", the troops will all be wearing loafers.

Three Wise Men -- Three Stooges. Coincidence? I don't think so...

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: My New Year's Resolution is to start getting things done ahead of time.

Tuesday was "National Giving Day." Just so you know, I'm still waiting...

Tuesday was "National Giving Day" which tied in perfectly to a holiday I created for Tuesday: "National Receiving Day!"

A new study claims that worrying can take 5 years off your life. I was worried it was more like 6.

China is planning to launch satellites to monitor greenhouse gas emissions... as soon as the air is clear enough so they can tell which direction the ski is in.

4,000 people in Turkmenistan set a record for the most people singing in the round. That ought to put Turkmenistan on the map, wherever it is...

Detroit police unions are urging the NFL to drop its ban on fans carrying guns at games. Naturally, the referees are for the ban.

A survey says that fewer offices are planning to hold a staff holiday party. I remember my old boss saying, "Why do we need a party to tell people they're not getting a bonus?"

You know, if we allow these mass shootings to keep happening, ISIS won't have anyone to kill when they get here.

The federal government is spending $375,000 studying the dating habits of seniors.  What makes it easy for researchers is that they never have to work past 7pm.

Toys R Us is closing its iconic flagship store in New York City's Times Square at the end of this month and will change its name to We R Gone.

In Beijing, air pollution has reached 35 times the safety level.  Right now, kids have a big problem with their kites getting stuck in the air.


  1.     2-Point Buck Chuck
  2.     His personal signature drink, "I forgot what I was going to do on the beach"
  3.     Rainbeer
  4.     A signature drink, "Let's get blitzen!"
  5.     A hot-buttered Diet Coke (when Mrs. Claus is watching)


  1.     You popped all your shirt buttons and now keep it closed with duct tape
  2.     Mayor has declared a food shortage in your town
  3.     You unknowingly set three world eating records
  4.     You actually wore out three forks
  5.     You added another X to your size

Laugh a little, would ya?         

PS---Are you Lutheran?  There's a way to find out with this week's Facebook Post of the Week!
PSPS---It's kickoff weekend!  An explanation on my blog
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW Some holiday fun and slipping into Christmas mode on this week's podcast right  here.