This Week's WACKS
Our 1,039th Edition
"Go Hawks! Yeah, thought I'd sneak one in here, too!"
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January 8th, 2016
Former New York governor George Pataki has dropped out of the presidential race, surprising a lot of people -- especially those who didn't know he was even in it!
You know, a few more Republican candidates drop out of the race, and we'll actually be down to "The Hateful Eight."
I don't remember getting my Affluenza shot but the vaccine appears to be working.
I think the biggest push behind getting rid of writing checks and going digital is having to remember to write the New Year every January.
A company has come out with the first kosher marijuana. Oy, wow...
A new study says that chronic and binge drinking causes liver damage in mice. The toughest part of the study was finding enough mice that belonged to a fraternity.
Now the most amazing part of trying to write 2016 on my checks instead of 2015 is the fact that I'm still writing checks!
For the record, I am NOT interested if the 49ers coaching job opens up.
A poll says that 48% of Americans say they don't have enough time to do what they want. One of these days, I'm going to make that list of the things I want to do. Just haven't found the time...
The new Star Wars movie is getting ready to pass Titanic... to which Titanic said, "Go ahead and pass us. We know what's dead ahead!'
A viral video shows Mile Tyson falling off a hoverboard and crashing to the floor. Let that be a lesson to you- -- never be Mike Tyson!
Hillary Clinton says, if elected, she will "get to the bottom" of the UFO controversy. It's probably because aliens are threatening to get to the bottom of her email controversy.
Burger King and McDonald's are in a cheap fast food war. The only losers will be those who had planned to diet in the New Year...
A survey says that many airlines fail to offer healthy meals. So, see -- it's THEIR fault!
A study says that chronic and binge drinking causes liver damage in mice. I'm more curious how the mice get the fake ID's so they can buy the booze.
To be honest, I'm thinking about not going into work Monday, just so people might think that I won the Powerball. You know, change the message on the answering machine, the works...
Mark Zuckerberg says his resolution for 2016 is to build a robot that helps with his work, looks after his house and keeps tabs on his newborn child. It would be ironic if he created such a creature, but then it spent all of its time on Facebook.
North Korea is admitting for the first time that it detonated a hydrogen bomb. Up until this time, they were always blaming the dog...
There's been doubt that North Korea actually detonated a Hydrogen bomb. After all, they said they were offended by the "hit movie" The Interview.
A report says that consumers spent an average of $99 a day in December, which was up from the $92 a day in November. Where'd the extra $7 a day go? My guess -- a small coffee at Starbucks.
I'm not checking my Powerball tickets until after 10am (or whenever your shift is over). I have a rule that I never walk out in the middle of a show.
A study says that male bass in the northeast are experiencing sex changes. Oh and from now on, they'd like you to call them Perchy.
Donald Trump has picked the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl. Like I have any confidence in who he says is going to win anything.
Yes, there really is a new after-shave fragrance for men called "Putin," named after Russia's leader. Nothing says I'm against capitalism more than your own fragrance.
A study found that moderate consumption of red wine leads to higher test scores. Especially, of course, if your test involves blowing into a tube.
I'm watching this whole NFL drama and its turning into a soap opera. As you may remember in our last episode, the Rams left their wife Los Angeles for a girlfriend named St. Louis. Now, the Rams want to return home to Los Angeles, but L.A. says, "Sure, but you'll have to share me with the Raiders and the Chargers."
A new poll conducted by the University of Scranton found that only 8 percent of people actually keep their New Year's resolutions. And that makes sense, because my resolution was to try and be a part of the 92%.
Macy's says it plans to close 36 stores and lay off about 4,350 employees nationwide after poor sales in 2015. Well, they could start with that Santa Claus sending people to other stores, right?
The temperature could be near zero for Sunday's wild card playoff game between the Vikings and Seahawks in Minnesota. Then again, that could also be the number of Jeb Bush supporters by Sunday, too.
A study says that late night snacking could hurt a person's memory... which could work out, since you'd eventually forget you were hungry.
A TV set that rolls up like a newspaper was unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show.
Requests for concealed carry permits in South Dakota are up 21% in the past year. South Dakota is now officially in last place as the best state to throw a surprise party.
MY TOP FIVE PREDICTIONS FOR 2016
- Kanye West and Kim Kardashian will have another baby and name it Givita. Yep, Givita West.
- The sport of golf will be rocked with the invention of the self-driving golf ball! It's about damn time!
- Caitlyn Jenner says she'll make a major announcement on her new website, U-Turn dot com!
- During 2016, the Kardashians will not be in the news for almost 3 hours.
- Colorado will legalize marijuana again... forgetting they did that last year. In the words of the Governor, "Oh, wow, man."
TOP FIVE WORST NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS
- Trying to get rich by selling Bill Cosby DVDs
- Plan to pay your mortgage with help from Draft Kings
- To spend more on comics
- To start smoking
- To put on 10 pounds
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PSPS---The Kid completes his journey. Thoughts on my blog
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