This Week's WACKS
Our 1,042nd Edition
"It sure was nice getting over my resolutions earlier this year"
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial

January 29th, 2016

A 93-year-old World War II veteran is planning to reunite with his wartime girlfriend in Australia. I wonder why he was at war in Australia?

A study says that body odor can reveal if people are sick. I can see this leading to the diagnosis of BO-CD.

The NFL says it is planning to put a franchise in London in the next six years. What about the London Bridges? Then, every time they'd lose, they'd be "falling down, falling down, falling down... "

A study says that 92% of restaurant meals have too many calories. So, I suppose my habit of always ordering two at a time is bad?

White Castle will be offering dinner reservations for Valentine's Day. The perfect counter to the song, "Breaking up is hard to do."

Seahawks officials say they think it looks like Marshawn Lynch will retire. They'll probably have a nice ceremony for him and present him with a gold crotch.

Love this quote: "The first five days after a weekend are always the hardest."

Samsung has a new washing machine that can connect to your smartphone and send you updates about your laundry. Yes, that's what was missing in my life.

Major League Baseball is studying whether to raise the bottom of the strike zone from the hollow beneath the kneecap back to the top of the kneecap. In other news, only 6 months until the first NFL pre-season game.

University of Massachusetts Amherst researchers have developed a robot that can write political speeches. Can the Robo-Trump be far behind?

270 couples in China broke the world's record for the most people doing "doga," yoga with dogs. It would have been even higher if that person looking for the cat-ga class hadn't gone into the wrong room.

A study says that people who find it difficult to focus are usually the most intelligent. What was I saying again?

Now they've invented a robot that can solve a Rubik's Cube in just over one second. But we still haven't figured out that cancer thing...

From Facebook: "Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it."

So, if Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are our two choices for president, I think Hillary's strategy is clear: for her vice-president, chose Megyn Kelly.

A new survey says that Americans hate their government more than ever. I don't think there's a chance of that going down with April 15th right around the corner.

Tidiness guru Marie Kondo says that people have three times more stuff than they need.  I saw that story on 7 of my 10 TV's.

A dead gambler in Puerto Rico was embalmed and propped up at a poker table.  If you're gambling down there and you notice the guy to your left is taking a really long time to decide if he's in…..could be him.!

A survey says that American consumers are optimistic about the economy.  At least, until the winning lottery numbers are announced.

A medical panel recommends all American adults should be screened for depression.  That makes me sad.  Oh-oh…..

Shaquille O'Neal says he was "paid very well" when he played at LSU.  That shoots down the "$1 for every free-throw made" theory.

A study says the Venus flytrap actually calculates when it kills its prey.  Now, for science to step in and create the Venus Boss-trap.

A Canadian engineer designed a plane that can fly passengers from New York to London in 11 minutes using a new technology called LPM or long penetration mode.  The first flight will be filled with comedy writers, just so we can get all the jokes out of the way at once.


  1.     "Really? That's it? Those are all the choices?"
  2.     "I've changed my mind. Can I take my vote back?"
  3.     "You know I'm missing the X-Files for this, right?"
  4.     "Which one will prove least embarrassing for our state?"
  5.     "Can I vote for myself?"


  1.     Lint Man
  2.     Cream Puff Woman
  3.     The Masked Caterer
  4.     Captain Vanilla
  5.     The Incontinent


  1.     You have to dig up 10-feet just to reach your basement
  2.     You have to shovel a path to reach your snow shovel
  3.     You overhear one Snowman saying to the other, "Does this blizzard make me look fat?"
  4.     The weather guy on TV is measuring accumulations in football fields
  5.     You see a Snowman walking into Weight Watchers

Laugh a little, would ya?         

PS--Not even points for creativity in this week's Facebook Post of the Week!
PSPS---OK, but just one more blog on Seattle's homeless situation.
PSPSPS --Check out this week's new 'toon and archives full of Ima Norwegian!
PSPSPSPS--Are you on Facebook?  So am I, right here
PSPSPSPSPS---Follow Tim's Tweets on Twitter @timwack
PS6--NEW What do Anna Dee, Dana Deardan, Rick the Peanut Guy & Richard Simmons have in common? They're all part of this week's podcast