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Our 1,049th Edition
"Even the longest journey begins with a single call to the Auto Club"
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A private space company founded by Amazon chief Jeff Bezos plans to send humans into space by next year. And Prime members would get free shipping.

Kraft says they've gone "natural," meaning they've removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. This is their second attempt at the recipe. The first time they ended up with an empty box.

Aw, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese -- the original "I had a long friggin' day and as far as dinner goes, this is all you're gonna get" meal.

Khloe Kardashian says that Russell Wilson and Ciara's "no sex vow" doesn't make sense. This from a person on the TV show that glorifies making no sense.

A Google computer beat the human world champion in the Chinese game of Go. It then did an online search of all synonyms for the word, "loser."

Kim Kardashian has joined Snapchat. Apparently Instagram was close to getting full.

Justin Bieber just passed through Seattle. To bartenders everywhere -- if you see Justin and his posse come into your establishment, remember these three words: "Cash up front!"

"Dog Whisperer" Cesar Millan is being investigated over a complaint of animal cruelty. Bad Cesar. Bad.

Johnny Manziel was released by the Cleveland Browns. That was their second choice. They couldn't go with their first choice because the time machine hasn't been invented yet.

Jordin Sparks posted this on Facebook this week: "What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for school? Bison."

Rumors were circulating that Richard Simmons, who hasn't been seen in public in over two years, was being held against his own will. He issued a statement that he's just fine and "you haven't seen the last of me." Well, you don't have to resort to threats, Richard!

Forget about the self-driving car -- focus on the self-driving golf ball.

Sony is buying the music publishing division of Michael Jackson's estate for $750-million. For that much money, they should at least throw in a glove.

Wouldn't it be great if all the presidential candidates caught whatever Richard Simmons has?

It was nice having a Super Tuesday after our "Bitch and Moan about the Time Change Monday."

A new study claims that women need more sleep than men because their brains are more complex. This just in?

I'm having a heck of a time trying to motivate myself to exercise. Even the Walking Dead work out more than I do.

Serial killer Charles Manson has endorsed Donald Trump from prison. I know you're thinking, "But what about his reputation?"--hey, Manson says he's not afraid, he just really likes the guy.

Well, my March Madness brackets are already busted. I got confused and had Marco Rubio winning the first round.

Some guys are actually telling their bosses that they're getting a vasectomy just so they can take four days off and watch college basketball. Actually, I'm having my third one this year.

I'm still trying to figure out the clock in my car and hope to have it moved an hour forward by October.

Studies confirm that car accidents do increase on the Monday following the switch to Daylight Saving Time. Fortunately, I always miss them by an hour.

Psychology researchers at Auburn University say that Seasonal Affective Disorder isn't real. That's depressing, but in a non-real way.

I've said this for years -- if you want to make the time change concept a popular idea, we should move the clocks ahead an hour on Fridays at 4.

They’re re-doing the movie, “Ben Hur.”   Not to be confused with the other new movie, “Her:  Caitlyn.”

Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford announced plans for an Indiana Jones 5. It’s called “Raiders of the lost….something.”
A psychologist is claiming that Seasonal Affective Disorder isn’t real. It’s all in our heads.  Most depressing cloudy day ever.
The Internet dating site say they are not racist.  You know what they say—you can’t judge a Klan by its cover.
Amazon has patented a system that lets people pay with a wink of their eye.  Because reaching into a wallet or purse is so strenuous.
Myanmar has ended a half century of military rule by electing a civilian president. First one to tell me where that country is gets to be vice-president.
Chipotle has hired its first food safety czar. Their goal is to develop delicious Mexican food that all Bolsheviks love.


  1. A guy in a Bernie Sanders shirt yells out, "OK, let's do this thing!"
  2. You don't see him yet, but it's hard to miss that hair
  3. You hear a guy on a loudspeaker say the phrase "is a good friend of mine" a lot
  4. You start smelling the mace
  5. You hear the sirens
  1. The stamp on the egg that says, "Property of Jurassic Park"
  2. Uh, we didn't buy any ostrich eggs
  3. A mother eagle is swooping down right at you
  4. I don't remember any brown ones
  5. A mother alligator is giving you a nasty look
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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