THIS WEEK'S WACK
Our 1,050th Edition
"Good Friday? Like there's a bad one?"
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Lockheed is building a prototype plane they say will fly six times the speed of sound. What this could mean is that by the time you hear that kid in the back crying, you're already there!
A Japanese beverage maker has come up with a soda that tastes like potato chips. OK, NOW can we get back to searching for a cure for cancer?
A study says that living around rats can cause depression. They aren't exactly the life of the party. In fact, see a rat at a party and that will pretty much end it.
The Federal Reserve has decided not to increase the interest rate. Same way I feel about the presidential election.
Researchers say there may soon be a beer that helps fight disease. Until they determine which one, my research will continue...
According to the Annual World Happiness Report, the United States is the 13th happiest country in the world. Part of the reason we're down to 13th -- when we hear there's such a thing of an Annual World Happiness Report, our first reaction is, "That's stupid!"
According to science, a single ant can live to be up to 29 years old. The married ones only make it to 20.
President Obama is visiting Cuba for 3 days. It's not really a vacation because of all the official visits, but it IS like a vacation in that it's raining.
North Korea has launched its 15th projectile in the past couple of weeks. We don't know if they're government rockets or if Kim Jong-un recently hit the reservation.
The Easter Bunny got into a fist-fight at a New Jersey mall. We're told it all began with a rabbit punch.
Did you observe the 10th annual Earth Hour Saturday night, when you were supposed to have all of your lights off for an hour? We observed after going to bed.
One way a Donald Trump presidency will be different -- he plans to create a new cabinet position, the Director of Smackdown.
A new survey says only 21% of us believe we can retire comfortably. Oh, I believe I can retire comfortably, I'm just not sure about the "working until I'm 143" part.
A group of disgruntled coffee drinkers are suing Starbucks, saying that they aren't filling up the cups on their drinks. So, when you ordered a short, it was actually shorter.
From the Internet: What did the one scarecrow say to the other scarecrow? This job's not for everyone but hay, it's in my jeans.
A study says that fewer Americans pray or believe in God than ever before. The most common thing yelled out during sex these days? Just "Oh, my!"
Google says it wants to improve Internet access in Cuba. When citizens heard about it, they mostly responded with, "That's awesome! What's the Internet?"
A new study found that Donald Trump's speeches are at a fifth grade level. Yeah, I didn't think it was that high, either.
Starbucks is introducing a new Caramelized Honey Frappuccino to their menu. Because just pouring regular honey in your Frappuccino wasn't expensive enough.
Jeb Bush has endorsed Ted Cruz for president. In a related story, Tweedle Dum has given his endorsement to Tweedle Dee.
OK, let me get these out of the way -- You know, if I was coloring Easter eggs, I'd just dye. Yeah, the worst part of Easter comedy---the yokes.
Saw this on Facebook: The Bachelor is a show about a man dating multiple women at once, mostly watched by women who hate men who date multiple women at once.
New Jersey is considering a bill that would outlaw texting while walking, and make it punishable by 15 days in jail…and here’s the really tough part—WITHOUT YOUR PHONE!
A study says that smart people are better off with fewer friends. And just like that---it explains why I have so many friends.
Researchers at Ohio State University say that blondes are not dumber than other people. Let’s find out: 1) What color is your hair? 2) Do you really believe that?
Paul McCartney is trying to buy back the Beatles catalogue that is being sold by the estate of Michael Jackson. Sir Paul said he’d like the Beatles to get back….get back….get back to where it once belonged…..
TOP FIVE SURE SIGNS OF SPRING
- Some kind of flowery thing out the window behind the TV as you watch March Madness
- That idiot neighbor has started mowing his lawn
- The Cubs are already 10 games out (and the season hasn't started yet)
- The snowbirds have started to fly north
- Donald Trump's hair is molting
TOP FIVE THINGS YOU COULD SAY TO IRRITATE THE EASTER BUNNY
Laugh a little, would ya?
- "Tastes like chicken"
- "You know, in Germany you would be Herr Hare!"
- "Don't try any bunny business! Bunny business! Every heard that before?"
- "Can I borrow a good luck charm?"
- "Santa is cooler"
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian
. A new cartoon every week!