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Our 1,060th Edition
June 3rd, 2016
"Even the longest journey begins with a single phone call to Uber"
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There's a brand-new study that claims the radiation emitted by cellphones does, in fact, cause cancer. Apparently the researchers have moved away from coffee and are now studying phones.

A Chinese man was killed by a walrus he had taken a selfie with. Apparently, a lot of walrus feel the same way you do about selfies.

Virginia McLaurin was a guest of the Washington Nationals last week, as she attended her first-ever Major League Baseball game at the age of 107. After the game, she said, "And they say I move slow!"  They also allowed her to lead the 7-inning adjustment in your seat.

Beverage maker Capri Sun has announced that it will be releasing an all-new line of organic juice pouches. So they'll be all natural and healthy, outside of the container made from petroleum products.

Gee, I wish there had been a Trump/Sanders debate. That would have been entertaining. Initially, Trump brought up the idea and Sanders replied, "Game on!" Then, it turned out Trump wasn't really serious and Sanders was just letting him know that he had the game on.

Bernie Sanders says he isn't necessarily a fan of the Golden State Warriors, but he likes their technique.

A report says airport screening delays made 70,000 travelers miss their flights on American Airlines. A T.S.A. spokesman assured reporters, "Oh, we can do much better than that." Not sure what he meant by that, questions stopped immediately.

B.B. King's estate is being contested by 15 people claiming to be his children from 15 different women. As one of his favorite nephews, I find this appalling.

Several wrestlers at the University of Minnesota are being investigated for buying and selling drugs. I suppose if you were looking for a strong salesperson...

The National Weather Service says there is a 40% chance the Pacific Hurricane Season will be above normal, a 40% chance it will be near normal and a 20% chance it will be below normal. In other words, they don't know.

MySpace says its 360-million users have had their information hacked. Can you believe that? There are 360-million people on MySpace?
Remember, the light that shines in the darkness is probably that lamp you forgot to turn off in the other room.
Arnold Schwarzenegger found himself being charged by an elephant during a safari in Africa.  What a perfection occasion for him to have said, “I’ll be flat.”
Dick Van Dyke is endorsing Bernie Sanders, saying he is the best candidate for seniors. In his words, “It’s a jolly holiday with Bernie.”

Tough week for Johnny Depp. His mother died, his wife filed for divorce and "Alice through the Looking Glass" came out.

We're hearing that Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift are over, after 15 months together. I sense a new album coming out!

Scientists at Carnegie Mellon University say more sex does not make people happier. My theory -- scientists at Carnegie Mellon University are doing it wrong.

A study says that on an average day, 700,000 college students smoke pot. So, if your kid claims to be an above-average student, it may not be that impressive.

  1. His dog door makes that "Star Trek" sound
  2. When you go for a walk, he prefers you wear the leash
  3. There's that sign he put where he does his business that says "Area 51"
  4. He telepathically makes the cat come to him
  5. The other day, he attacked the mailman with his laser eyes
  1. It makes it a lot easier to try to get away with doing only 3 days' worth of work
  2. It's the perfect opportunity to wear your "Why can't we do this every week?" t-shirt
  3. The boring Monday morning staff meeting seems a little less boring on Tuesdays
  4. You thank God when it's Friday, you're just not as needy
  5. You never even need to say the "M" word (Monday)
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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