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Our 1,064rd Edition
July 1st, 2016

"And the 2nd half of 2016 begins!"
(this edition dedicated to Fred Hering)

These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo

A jury decided that Led Zeppelin did NOT steal "Stairway to Heaven." Now if we can just get the descendants of Francis Scott Key to leave the Jimi Hendrix estate alone about "The Star Spangled Banner."

Bernie Sanders has said he will vote for Hillary Clinton... and then, under his breath, finished the sentence with, "... for America's Got Talent."

Donald Trump visited Scotland last weekend and, unfortunately, announced that if he's elected, he's going to build a giant kilt around Caitlyn Jenner.

The NHL has approved an expansion team for Las Vegas. What were the odds? No, really, what were they?

A rare syndrome caused a Texas woman to awake from surgery speaking with a British accent. What's even weirder is that she had a strange desire to immediately withdraw from any unions.

My radio brother Skip Tucker has an idea: an audiobook that's eight hours of nothing but breathing and page-turning, with a surprised, "Oh, you meant out LOUD?" right at the end.

I was wondering what impact the whole Brexit thing would have on me -- my 401K is now a 301K.

I was so excited when I bought my first paddle board. Then I found out its for using on the water.

Chimpanzees have learned how to use their own tools to get alcohol out of fermenting palm trees in West Africa. In other words, they've displayed a serious sign of intelligence.

One chimp was seen wearing a t-shirt that said "It's ooh-ha-ooh-ha-ooh-ha somewhere."

A former Secret Service Agent says Hillary Clinton drove the agents protecting her to drinking alcohol, having affairs and using hookers. In a related story, Bill Clinton suffered a minor injury after biting his own tongue.

Maserati recently announced a recall for more than 13,000 cars because of a gearshift problem. Well, you don't have to be Freud...

New stats show that we are consuming an hour more of media than we did a year ago. That's funny -- I was just watching a special about that on 60 Minutes.

The average adult in the U.S. consumes 10 hours and 39 minutes of media a day. C'mon, folks, we're SO close to 11 hours!

The study said that 10% of us touch our cell phone over 5,000 times a day. I only touch it once in the morning... and then let go of it right before bed.

The judge handling the Prince estate says he's in no hurry. I know cousin Prince would have appreciated that.

OK, the biggest problem with professional tennis--the names of the players have too many vowels.

Hard to believe next Monday is the 4th of July. Or, as its otherwise know, "The original Brexit."

Ten people were injured over the weekend when a roller coaster in Scotland flew off the tracks... I believe, in honor of the visiting Donald Trump.

The Census says the average white person in the U.S. is 56 years old. So no matter superior you feel, if you're 56, the government thinks you're average.

The First Cannabis Church of Logic and Reason in Lansing, Michigan held their first service this week on Sunday. Unfortunately, the bulk of the new members didn't show up until Monday.

Instead of "Amen," they end prayers with "Oh, wow, man."

50 Cent was arrested for using "bad language" at a concert on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. Probably the phrase that ticked them off the most was "Kitts my ass."

An octogenarian couple from Ireland finished a Marathon together holding hands. No one knows for sure if it was for love... or support.

Former Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight is planning to attend next month's Republican National Convention. In fact, he's been invited to throw out the first chair!

A new porn site is donating a penny to charity each time someone watches one of their porn videos. Needless to say, Charity and her sister, Bethany, are thrilled.
Rio de Janiero’s 's acting governor has warned that the Olympics could be a "big failure." The first response actually came from a mosquito, which said, “That’s what you think, Big Guy.”
A new shade of the color blue has been discovered. Apparently, we needed one.
A study says that smoking may damage a man’s sperm. My suggestion would be to check and see if you’re doing it wrong.
A Los Angeles man married his cellphone at a chapel in Las Vegas. They wanted to get married at the Coliseum in Italy, but they were afraid there would be Roman charges.
Researchers in the Netherlands say they are growing tomatoes in soil similar to that found on Mars. Hey, if Matt Damon can do it, why can’t they?
The House of Representatives has warned its office water is tainted with lead. OK, that could explain some of it…but not all of it.


  1. A pimple caused by Breck shampoo
  2. A short description of a break-dancing injury trauma
  3. What you yell at Breck when you're playing tag
  4. When you need a break and you want to sit
  5. The freeway exit you take to that breakfast place


  1. Kanye is spelled with a C, Concert with a K
  2. It says "Not really reserved seating"
  3. Uh, they're written in crayon
  4. They were sold by a company called Ticketmuster
  5. The line "Please don't read tickets until inside concert" should have been a clue
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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