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Our 1,066th Edition
July 15th, 2016

"The first one to say BACK TO SCHOOL gets it!"
These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo

McDonald's has announced that their all-day breakfast menu is expanding. Just like their customers...

The Hubble Space Telescope has allowed astronomers to look into the "beating heart" of the Crab Nebula. That's the good news. The bad news is that it looks like it's been eating a lot of space bacon.

Lindsay Lohan, who just turned 30, says she's planning to write a book. I hope it's on Ethiopian Volleyball because we're pretty much know everything about her life already.

I believe I've hit my limit on "the following video may be disturbing."

A woman in Florida was driven out of her apartment when a dozen snakes began coming out of her walls. Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you really need him?

So, we're basically to the point where we're deciding which of the two presidential candidate is less least-qualified for the office?

The world's oldest priest at age 107 says a strict daily routine is the secret to a long life. One of the best routines you can do -- breathe.

Bernie Sanders is supposed to endorse Hillary Clinton this week. At least, that's what it said in one of Hillary's Classified emails.

I don't get up in the middle of the night to play Pokemon. But I call it my "2am Go."

I'm glad Amazon's Prime Day was on a Tuesday. Monday is NEVER my prime day.

Saw this on Facebook -- maybe it's time we forget about a wall and let's build a giant mirror around America.

The best thing about Pokemon Go is that it's getting kids and adults that normally just sit around looking at their phones to get up and go outside and walk around looking at their phones.

We're being reminded that sharing your Netflix password is a federal crime. I hear if you're convicted, you'll be sentenced to a facility that only gets Amazon Prime.

There's a gay version of "The Bachelor" being shot right now, where the prize is Robert Sepulveda Jr., a model out of Atlanta. We're pretty much identical twins except he's in shape and 20 years younger and he's not straight.

That's great, Nintendo. But now, how about coming up with a summer fun game for my son, called "Mow a Law Go?"

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: "I have a Polish friend who's a roadie for a band. I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. A Czech one too."

A new study claims that a 3-day work week may be best for those over the age of 40. May I be the first to say, "God bless research!"

You know you're getting older when they announce a big concert & your response is, "Who with special guest what?"

Jennifer Aniston says she's had it with tabloids. Probably just the alien inside her taking over.

A new survey says that two-thirds of Americans are financially illiterate. Whatever that means.

You Pokemon Go people think you're so cool. Hey, back in my day, we had Pet Rocks!

Plane builder Bombardier has designed a passenger jet with wider seats for overweight passengers. In other words, stop worrying -- go ahead and have fourths!

Adidas is suing Skechers for reportedly stealing their shoe designs. At the same time, Adidas also announced their new company slogan, "Just sue it!"

Chaka Khan has reportedly entered rehab because of an addiction to painkillers. The doctor couldn't resist and said, "Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan, let me show you were it's at."

Kobe Bryant announced that he and his wife are expecting their third child together. Or, as they say at their house, "a three-peat."

I've decided I'm voting for Jack Bauer for President. You may say he's not real, but tell me about your two candidates.

I'm waiting for the headline: "Pokemon Go Players Find Creatures. Still searching for life."

A federal appeals court has rejected Tom Brady's attempt to get a new hearing on his "Deflategate" suspension. This ought to boost the sales of Kleenex.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said her comments about Donald Trump were "Ill-advised and I regret them." Hey Donald, could be a campaign slogan there!

Quentin Tarantino says he is only going to make two more films. May I suggest, “The even more hateful 9” and “The retiring 10.”
A report says that having frequent sex helps people stay slim. That explains more than I wanted explained.
We are making great strides with robots, but we won’t be there until we perfect the I-Don’t-Feel-Like-Going-Into-Work-Today-Go-Cover-For-Me-bot.
A Florida woman crashed her car into a home while she was driving and praying with her eyes closed. She drives like I’m probably going to vote.
Major brewers in the U.S. will start adding nutrition labels to beer containers. Because beer is nature’s most nutritional drink. Or so I tell myself.
Lamar Odom was reportedly kicked off a Delta plane flight for being drunk and repeatedly vomiting. Hey girls, he’s available!


  1. Boss's car was just flattened by a steam-roller (for the third time this week)
  2. You just received a mass email with the subject line, "Dear suckers"
  3. He has a dozen dirty coffee cups delivered to the sink on your week of cleaning the kitchen duty
  4. Everyone is now talking about that jerk in a kind way
  5. "Hey, who's that guy on TV giving everyone the finger? Isn't that Larry?"


  1. Newest magazines in his office were printed by Gutenberg
  2. He's the first to start asking for a co-co-pay
  3. He asked if you want to be part of a new drug trial so he could get a free magazine
  4. He asked how you feel about radioactive leeches?
  5. Your current doctor plays golf on days that end with Y
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
Copyright ©2016 All rights reserved, but get boisterous when drunk

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