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Our 1,067th Edition
July 22nd, 2016

"If I had a nickel for every time I said If I had a nickel, I'd forget what I was doing"
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Mick Jagger is going to be a father again, for the 8th time. I'm pretty sure it's about that not being able to "get satisfaction" thing.

A report says that Americans are using less cash than five years ago. For our younger listeners, cash is that paper and metal stuff we used to use before Apple Pay.

It was said that Tim Tebow was going to speak for Donald Trump at the convention this week, then it turned out to be just a rumor. Yet another team that doesn't want him.

Donald Trump said when it came to his running mate, he always knew he would be paired with Pence. However, listening back on the actual recording, he really said, "A new suit and pair of pants."

A study says that midlife memory lapses are a normal part of aging. And, in a related story, a study says that midlife memory lapses are a normal part of aging.

Congress is on their 7-week long summer vacation. Hard to tell, isn't it?

Mattel has introduced a "President Barbie" who comes along with another female doll as Vice President. Air Force One, Secret Service agents and private email-server sold separately.

I suppose it goes without saying, but never get involved in a failed coup.

Congress is on their annual 7-week vacation. It's the one they take from their main 45-week vacation.

One of the most common things said by a congressman around this time of year: "I forget -- am I on vacation right now?"

Last night was the "Buck Moon." What a coincidence -- that's all I have left until pay day!

Here's a new Trump slogan: "Make First Lady Speeches Again."

Do you think that, as this year's presidential race continues, that Stephen King is kicking himself for not thinking of this first?

A fanatical religious group claims that the world is going to end on July 29th, due to a "polar flip." So, don't worry too much about the whole Trump/Hillary thing.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." Steven Wright

Interesting moment in Cleveland this week when Chris Christie was mistaken for the convention.
A Saudi cleric has banned Pokemon Go among his followers, because he says it's a form of gambling. Well, if you count walking out into traffic because you're looking down at your phone "gambling" then he's right!

When asked for a comment on the plagiarism allegations involving his wife, Donald Trump said, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

I was really hoping last night that Donald Trump would have started his speech with, "Four score and seven years ago..."

Donald Trump says no one from his campaign will be fired over Melania's speech, that's not how he runs a campaign. He runs a TV show that way, but not a campaign.

Jeb Bush ended up with three delegate votes at the GOP convention which ended up costing $50-million each. You know, another $600-billion and he could have won this election.

Ben Carson says he will not run for public office ever again. No address was given on where to send the thank you notes.

Yesterday was National Junk Food Day... well, for those who don't already celebrate it every day.

  1. Uncle Sam getting up there and asking, "Am I being punked?"
  2. "Everyone grab a brick and let's build that sucker now!"
  3. "Melania would ilke to do another speech, but this one by Nancy Reagan!"
  4. "Catering service -- separate checks, please!"
  5. "Don't drink the coffee! Repeat -- don't drink the coffee! Some idiot made decaf!"
  1. Procto-man Go (You don't want to know)
  2. Pokemon Goat
  3. Pokemon Go Pokeman Yourself
  4. Pokemon Go Fish
  5. Polka-man Go
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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