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Our 1,073rd Edition
September 2nd, 2016

"Don't look now, but you're looking"
These jokes are available on a daily basic
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San Francisco has been named the world's most expensive city. You can buy the full report for $3,000. Yeah, they're serious about the title.

Astronaut Jeff Williams has set a record for the most days in space at 521. However, the record for the most spaced days is still being held by Macy Gray.

A report says some elementary school students are being given up to three times the recommended levels of homework every night. Of course, this runs the danger of them each becoming criminally smart.

AAA is warning drivers not to trust automatic braking systems to avoid crashes, especially if their cars aren't equipped with them.

Rob Gronkowski is calling out the Dallas Cowboys for stealing the New England Patriots' motto of "Do your job." I thought the Patriots' official slogan was, "How dare you accuse me of that!"

Switzerland has enlisted robots to help deliver the mail. Needless to say, the robotic dogs are thrilled!

According to Hillary Clinton's newly-released medical records, she suffers from seasonal allergies... which, of course means that once she's elected President, all our enemies need to do is attack during Grass Season.

49ers Quarterback Colin Kaepernick refused to stand during the playing of the national anthem at the game Saturday night, saying he's taking a stand for those who don't have a voice in this country. Taking a stand by sitting. Someone's taken one too many hits...

Note to Colin: Successful athletes have much bigger impact at something like this than non-successful ones.

A study says binge watching TV can result in depression, weight gain and no sex. (Don't say "So can marriage." Don't say "So can marriage... ")

Disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner has been caught up in another sexting episode. I really think the answer is cutting off his... cell phone service.

Sunday was world-wide Go Topless Day, promoting gender equality and women's rights to bare their breasts in public. Oh, sure, and I suggest that at work and all I got was a trip to HR.

From Facebook: Signs offering sandwiches at different restaurants. One offers a "Trump Sandwich: White Bread with Boloney, Russian Dressing and a small pickle." Then there's the Hillary Sandwich: Made with tough crusts and stuff with turkey. Ha! It's a lie! That's really Boloney!"

The president of Mexico met with Donald Trump yesterday... or, as he's known down there: "El Toupee-o!"

We just heard that the storm heading to North Carolina may try to avoid the state because of its transgender bathroom policy.

They say the biggest challenge in creating the self-driving car is coming up with a way for the on-board computer to know when exactly to flip people off.

A new report says that New York City residents are not having sex as frequently as before. And, to back up that story, Anthony Weiner says he has pictures.

Presenting, the 15-minute Retirement Plan. Step 1, set a timer for 15-minutes. Relax. When timer goes off, go back to work. Hope you enjoyed retirement.

I'm thinking I'm going to try teaching a night class: "The ABC's of numerology."

Joe Sutter, a Boeing and aviation legend, died this week at the age of 95. He was called "the Father of the 747." As big as those are, I believe the mother definitely deserves a little of the credit, too.

Scientists have discovered fossils in Greenland which could be 3.7-bilion years old, making them the oldest things ever discovered on this earth….besides the jokes you hear on this program.
Researchers say dogs actually know what their owners are saying. Needless to say, “spay” and “neuter” have gotten a lot of buzz in the dog community.
Katherine McPhee says the Kardashians are “deep thinking, feeling people.” Someone wants to meet Kanye.

  1. Teams only compete in Madden NFL 17
  2. 10-yard penalty when a player forgets to say "Excuse me"
  3. New uniforms made completely out of bubble wrap
  4. Players can't weigh more than 110-pounds
  5. Replace the opening kickoff with a pillow fight
  1. Ryan Lochte called and needs my help
  2. I need time off to work on that special surprise party for you. Oops! I've said too much already.
  3. Did you know Friday is "Reward your favorite employee Day?"
  4. My someone I haven't mentioned before died
  5. They moved Labor Day to Friday this year.
Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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