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Our 1,074th Edition
September 9th, 2016

"So many spices, so little Thyme"
These jokes are available on a daily basic
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Saudi Arabia has sentenced a man to 10 years in prison along with 2,000 lashes for tweeting he is an atheist. At we know what he won't be yelling out.

500 cows were reportedly rustled from a ranch in New Zealand. The trick now is to figure out how to head them off at the pass.

Ryan Lochte has a new endorsement deal with a crime prevention device that has three crime settings: minor, major and imaginary.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: if moths really like light that much, why don't they just go flying in the daytime?

A SpaceX rocket exploded in Florida, destroying a Facebook satellite that was going to bring the Internet to sub-Saharan Africa. If they had only not put that Galaxy Note 7 on board...

The latest camping accessory: The Galaxy Note 7 fire starter.

Remember, you need to fight for the right to be a pacifist.

The FDA says that a lot of ingredients in anti-bacteria soaps were actually not helpful to us. Maybe we should have gone with pro-bacterial soaps and tried to make friends with the bacteria first.

A report says more businesses are going cashless. My wallet has been a trendsetter for years...

A study says people are less interested in working to make money while high on pot. And they needed a study for that?

A report says a long daily commute can be detrimental to a person's health. I wonder how many excessive-use-of-middle-finger injuries there have been?

Donald Trump still insists that he's going to get Mexico to build that wall. My theory is that he acts so scary, they build it to keep him out.

Quarterback Colin Kaepernick has received a lot of public scorn for refusing to stand for the national anthem, but his #7 jersey has become the NFL's top seller. We don't know if the price includes kindling.

I'm not surprised that Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston broke up. She wanted a very public relationship and he prefers things more Loki.

It appears whoever had September 6th in the pool wins the pot.

The G-20 Summit is in China on Monday. That's a world economic summit, not to be confused with what you said when you climbed on the bathroom scales after the holidays last year.

Baby boomers hear G-20 and think to themselves, "Bingo!"

While Apple was showing off its new toys yesterday, Playstation also unveiled their two new game consoles. Not to be outdone, Samsung demonstrated their new combination phone and campfire starter.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: If there's a "heaven's no" and a "hell yes," how come there isn't a "purgatory maybe"?

A new study says a 4-day work week may actually be bad for your health. That’s why I’ve always suggested we just go ahead and jump to a 3-day work week.
An Ohio man is accused of egging his neighbor’s home 100 times over the course of a year. Even Justin Bieber said, “That’s too much!”
A Christian website is predicting the world will end in 2017. Looking at our presidential choices, I think that’s a pretty safe bet.
In Oklahoma, a woman and her daughter have been arrested for having an incestuous marriage. This isn’t the woman’s first marriage. She had married one of her sons back in 2008.  Needless to say, this is going to the be the most awkward Thanksgiving ever!
He’s the kind of person that goes to the nude beach for the water.
I wonder if Jerry Seinfeld will ever do a sequel to his series, “Comedians in Restrooms Peeing Coffee?”
Ryan Lochte has received a 10-month suspension from the U.S. Olympic Committee. 8 months for that made-up robbery story, and an additional 2 months for what he did with his hair.
Apple has teamed up with Nike for its newest iWatch. Their slogan: “Just buy it.”
400 workers at the factory in Pennsylvania that makes Marshmallow Peeps have gone on strike. Now, the big question—should we settle it?


  1. "The best preparation for tomorrow is calling in sick today."
  2. "Change your thoughts. And after that, change the litter box, would ya?"
  3. "Always try to be the rainbow in someone's cloud and maybe you'll make the TV news weather report!"
  4. "It is during our darkest moments that we realize the lightbulb is out"
  5. "If opportunity doesn't knock, make sure the doorbell works."
  1. Wants to know if the class is interested in learning Tackle Yoga
  2. Asks class to breathe in, takes a phone call and forgets to tell you to exhale
  3. Yoga matt is actually a square pizza
  4. Asks the question, "Yoga class? I thought I was teaching a Yoda class!"
  5. Showed up to class wearing a catcher's mask
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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