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THIS WEEK'S WACK

Our 1,079th Edition
October 14th, 2016

"Exactly 4 months away from Valentine's Day."
These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo

Dolly Parton says she wants to collaborate with Snoop Dogg. If nothing else, she could end up with a second-hand hit.

More problems for Donald Trump last night at the debate. This time, it was because his microphone worked.

I feel like we're settling for lesser things more these days. For example, there was a time we wanted a phone battery that would last longer. Now, we're happy if they just don't burst into flames.

I think it would be fun to go to a Sausage Festival. I mean, what's the wurst that could happen?

Tom Brady is back. That ought to knock the wind out of the NFL and several unsuspecting footballs.

Whoopi Goldberg says she doesn't want to be on magazine covers anymore. Whoopi, consider it done!

The more you listen, the more you'll realize that Access Hollywood video of me was just a one-time fluke thing.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day in Canada, a day set aside for millions of Canadians to give thanks for not having to vote in this year's American election.

In the debate the other night, I loved how the moderators warned the audience by applauding. As the night went on, I kept hoping for more applause.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 7--voted Phone of the Year by the A.P.A. (American Pyromaniacs Assocation. They were going to honor it at their awards ceremony this year, but the building burned down)

Samsung has suspended production of their Galaxy Note 7 phones. It was that or start including a new standard accessory -- a fire extinguisher.

With the demise of the Galaxy Note 7, expect Samsung to move up the release of their next new phone, the Galaxy Pinto Corvair!

Finding Dory? No problem. It's just to the left of the Window-ee.

A Rhode Island man has squashed a record set by his son by taking first prize in a pumpkin contest with a 2,261.5-pound gourd. Someone tell Linus the Great Pumpkin has come early and he can go Trick or Treating this year.

One of the tabloids claims that the whole Kim Kardashian robbery thing was just a big lie. Apparently, she's planning to get into politics.

Even Ryan Lochte said, "That's disgusting!"

Miley Cyrus has come out as pan-sexual. Which either means she's attracted to Tinkerbell or into cooking gear.

Apparently, the Debate bone's connected to the... Ken Bone.

The Wells Fargo CEO has been forced to retire and take a $134-million payout. I wish someone would force me to retire like that….yeah, that ought to teach him!
 
Bill O’Reilly says three media organizations have ordered their employees to “destroy” Donald Trump. I’m trying to figure out how they’re able to make him say all those things.
 
Bob Dylan won the Nobel Peace Prize in Literature! Will he fly to Norway to pick it up himself? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

TOP FIVE THINGS I HATE ABOUT MORNINGS

  1. They always show up in the middle of the night
  2. They only last until noon
  3. Oh, I like them... it's my eyes that refuse to get along
  4. Most of them result in my being at work
  5. They always come too early

TOP FIVE WORST EXCUSES FOR YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM LOSING THEIR LATEST GAME

  1. The quarterback injured his knee while kneeling during the national anthem
  2. The other team kept bringing up Geico statistics before the snap
  3. Delay of game penalties for singing "Row, Row, Row your boat" too long in the huddle
  4. The punter decided that kicking is too violent
  5. The on-going hangnail injuries of the offensive line
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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