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Our 1,081st Edition
October 28th, 2016

"Halloween Costume #135--wrap yourself in cellophane & go as a leftover"
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Apple's top Artificial Intelligence guru comes from a university that taught computers to "defeat humans." And now the machines know the exploding phone battery trick won't work.

It's going to be a great Friday for you. We know because we rigged it.

I've always found contrarians disagreeable.

I guess Donald Trump has the right to not accept the results of the election, just like I never accepted the fact that he got the nomination.

A singer performing the national anthem last Friday night before an NBA preseason game in Miami did it while kneeling at half-court and while wearing a "Black Lives Matters" shirt. Apparently, the league is afraid of viewership increasing.

After enduring Sunday night's Seahawks/Cardinals game, are we absolutely sure this presidential election can't end in a tie?

By the way, as a Seahawks support, I am not officially accepting the results of Sunday's game.

The World Health Organization says failure to find a sex partner should be considered a disability. So, you're saying that all throughout high school and college, I had a disability?

The one thing about longevity is that it lasts a long time.

With the passing of Bobby Vee, I'll bet Bobby W is getting a little nervous right now. Hey, look at the obituaries -- people always die in alphabetical order!

A new study says that lifting weights could make you more intelligent. Hey, look at Arnold Schwarzenegger -- he was governor of California and also learned how to travel back from the future!

My friend Pat Gorse says Donald Trump described Sunday night's Seahawks/Cardinals game that ended in a tie "like groping your sister!"

They say that 40% of the votes for president will be cast before election day. And some say that 60% of the votes have already been counted.

The Parents Television Council is calling Sunday's season premiere of The Walking Dead the most disturbing thing ever shown on television. Hard to believe every member of the council missed the last presidential debate.

If the Cubs continue to have batting problems, they might want to bring in Neagan from The Walking Dead. Sunday night, he was 12 for 12!

A report says only 4 out of 10 Americans are confident the votes in the upcoming presidential election will be counted correctly. Actually, now that number has jumped to 12 out of 10.

A report says 40% of Americans are expecting to vote early. I know I filled out my ballot at 4am.

Harvard University has reached an agreement with the school's cafeteria workers. Why am I so quick to think they were probably out-smarted?

Arby's will begin testing venison burgers in selected markets. Oh, deer!

A study says women are now on par worldwide with men when it comes to drinking alcohol. Congratulations ladies, I guess.

Samsung says that people who turn in their recalled Galaxy Note 7 phones will be eligible for a free Note 8 next year when it debuts. Imagine how many messages you'll have in your voicemail by then!

Someone vandalized Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with a sledgehammer. Police say they've whittled the list of suspects down to 32-million.

And several homeless people were heard asking, "Great! So now where am I supposed to pee?"

They now say it was a guy with a sledgehammer dressed like a construction worker that destroyed Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. We don’t know at this time if any of the other Village People were involved.
Wasn’t Hillary the one who said, “It takes a village, people?”
Just a little over a week until this presidential election nightmare is over. I hope they named the country the “Designated Survivor.”


  1. Company has changed the locks again. 3rd time this week.
  2. You refer to Sunday nights as "the Great Depression"
  3. Boss had "Don't' be a (your name)" t-shirts printed up
  4. The company keeps towing your car and its parked at home
  5. Co-workers look forward to your vacation
  1. "Children of the Candy Corn"
  2. "Night of the Living Bra"
  3. "Beetlejuicer"
  4. "The Amy Adams Family"
  5. "The WereWolf Blitzer"
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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