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Our 1,084th Edition
November 18th, 2016

In the words of one turkey: Only 6 more chopping days until Thanksgiving
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Remember how Colin Kaepernick started the whole 'take a knee during the national anthem' thing as protest for change. After all that, he refused to vote last Tuesday. I guess he's just hoping the social change fairy will soon appear.

The NFL Players Association is going to study marijuana as a pain management tool for players. It's all a part of softening the league's position on pot. For example, they're thinking of changing one team's name to the Cleveland Brownies.

Melania Trump and Michelle Obama also sat down together last Thursday. Michelle thanks Melania for coming and Melania thanked Michelle for all the speeches.

I'm going to try something different and start fasting between meals.

A $100-million telescope in Australia will join in the search for alien life. Although, I really don't know why they had to build it across the bay from that nude beach.

Funny line from Jimmy Lehn. When I was a teenager my dad told me I should join the circus, so after high school I did...I only just realized that he probable really said I should join the service.

Turkeys have issued a travel warning to the U.S.. I'm sorry, that should have been Turkey, although, this close to Thanksgiving, it's probably true on both accounts.

Yesterday was the day we had that Super Moon. Yep, on a Monday. As a week, we've already over-achieved.

A new study claims that a pint of beer a day could actually help reduce the risk of having a stroke or developing cardiovascular disease. I'd just like to say, "God bless science."

Fishermen have found a 176-pound piece of whale vomit valued at nearly $3 million. The thing I find most shocking -- who knew there were appraisers who determined the value of whale vomit.

Donald Trump talked on the phone with Russia's President Putin on Monday. Apparently, Mr. Trump has managed to learn how to say "Mine is bigger than yours" in Russian.

People Magazine has named Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as this year's "Sexiest Man Alive." Yep, I lost it again.

According to a new survey, 69% of Americans feel that the media is dishonest and untrustworthy! HA! I lied. It was really 70%.

Hugh Hefner's son, Cooper Hefner, has told insiders that Playboy is going to bring back nude photos in 2017. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to read the articles!

This week's "Super Moon" is being blamed for many reports of people with insomnia and extreme emotions. Oh, shut-up!

New technology allows cows to "text" farmers when they are sick to their stomach. So, the next time you're at a movie and you hear a 'moo' behind you, that'll explain it.

North Korea reportedly hasn't told their people yet that Donald Trump has been elected U.S. President. Would have been nice if our leaders had broken the news a little more gentle...

A statistics professor in Connecticut won the state lottery and won $100,000. A great example of higher education paying off.

Stephen Hawking says that mankind will wipe itself out in 1,000 years. If that's the case, I'm going to eat that ice cream in the freezer when I get home.

Taco Bell has opened its 7,000th restaurant in Las Vegas which has a DJ booth and VIP lounge. I'm going to assume that VIP at Taco Bell stands for Very Inebriated Person.

A study says parents are spanking their children less often than they did in the 1980s. Well, duh -- they're in their 30s now!

Oreo has announced a new product where they stuff candy bars with Oreo cookies. That ought to cure your sugar deficiency.

Domino's made their first pizza delivery BY DRONE in New Zealand. Until they arm the drones, you should be OK to not tip.

Denver has become the first city in the country to legalize social use of marijuana. In other words, it’s now legal to smoke it in bars. As for the city slogan, it was stay untouched.
Residents of a Manhattan apartment complex have voted to remove the sign off their building that says “Trump.”  Yes, but you’re still his resident.
A card game was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Oh, shoot! I forgot to say Uno!
Bob Dylan says he’s not going to pick up his Nobel Prize in Sweden. It was that or “The snot from being sick causes his eyes to weepen.”


  1. Their moving van gave it away -- their stuff came on the Mayflower
  2. Every Halloween, they keep trying to burn the witches
  3. Nobody else in the neighborhood asks you, "Howeth doest it going?"
  4. They offered to buy your backyard with $24 worth of beads
  5. Guy always seen on the front porch, cleaning his musket


  1. Wearing t-shirt that says, "Black Fridays don't bother me. It's those golden brown Thursdays"
  2. Seen asking neighbors if theirs is a sanctuary backyard
  3. Chicken recipes being left everywhere
  4. He's started meowing
  5. Protesting in the yard with sign that says, "Not my holiday."
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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