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Our 1,092nd Edition
January 20th, 2017

The New D-Day
These jokes are available on a daily basic
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Facebook made it onto a list of America's most hated companies. Sounds like it's time for a Despise button.

The Air Force says it will allow people to enlist who smoke pot and have more than 25% of their body covered with tattoos. Everybody sing: "Off they go, into the wild blue yonder, both their feet, still on the ground... "

Natalie Portman says Ashton Kutcher was paid three times as much as she was for the movie "No Strings Attached." In Ashton's defense: "Dude!"

7-Eleven announced it's now offering "breakfast pizza." The perfect complement to those who often enjoy "dinner cereal."

Donald and Melania Trump are scheduled to ride with the Obamas to the Capitol on Inauguration Day. Odds of playing Slug-Bug on the way to the ceremony: zero.

In case you didn't hear, the San Diego Chargers charged up the road to Los Angeles.

This is not the time to be indecisive. Or,then again, maybe it is.

Yesterday, the third Monday of January, was "Blue Monday," said to be the saddest day of the year. I missed it. That makes me sad.

Katy Perry threw Orlando Bloom one heck of a 40th birthday party in Florida over the weekend. Apparently my invitation was lost in the mail... again...

I could never be president. I just don't think I could force myself to watch that much SNL.

I'm feeling rejected. Siri just told me to go ask Cortana.

That Springsteen cover band has dropped out of the Trump Inauguration. Someone impersonating Donald Trump says he was highly disappointed.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is getting heat for a locker room speech where he called the New England Patriots "assholes." To be honest, I don't know why this is news; just passing it along.

First, the Bruce Springsteen tribute band dropped out of the Trump Inauguration Party. Now we hear the other tribute band, Weird Cal, is having second thoughts...

Lindsay Lohan has become a Muslim? That would be quite a turnaround from her reign as Miss Infidel from 2010-2014.

Betty White, who turns 95 this week, says she won't be attending Donald Trump's Inauguration. She doesn't like to commit to plans that far in the future.

Someone returned an overdue book to the San Francisco library that was over 100 years overdue. Good luck collecting that fine.

Dozens of Democratic members of Congress are boycotting Donald Trump's inauguration. In a related story, hundreds of San Diego Chargers fans will not take part in the moving party.

My theory is that Aaron Rogers' brother, Jordan, doesn't have State Farm insurance.

Alanis Morrissett’s former business manager has admitted to embezzling $6.5-million from her and other clients. The song, “You oughta know” comes to mind….
Former San Francisco slugger Willie McCovey was pardoned by President Obama for a tax evasion conviction in 1995. In tax terminology, that’s what they call “an intentional walk.”
One friend overhead a co-worker asking if they could stay home, watch the Inauguration and use bereavement leave.
Thanks to everyone who asked if my Twitter account had been hacked since the last several posts were actually funny.


  1. A guy named Noah just said, "Oh, no, not again!"
  2. You're finally able to take your Jet Ski to work
  3. Man just strolled by, taking his goldfish for a walk
  4. The sewers have put up "No Vacancy" signs
  5. Your gutters have put in for overtime
  1. The mice are telling all their friends they have a people problem
  2. Two of the mice just exchanged gang signs
  3. Mouse traps you set downstairs keep getting put in your bed
  4. Third time this week you've found the cat tied up and gagged
  5. Someone keeps writing "Cheese, dammit" on the grocery list
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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