TRUE CONFESSION: Last week got so busy, I created a Wacky Week and just plain forgot to send it out. No geezer jokes. So, I owe you one. Here's last week's edition.
I keep hearing about a possible bacon shortage. And they laughed at me years ago when I put in that underground bacon storage facility.
The Groundhog saw his shadow, so there's supposed to be six more weeks of winter. Seven weeks, if you believe the Electoral Forecast College.
Scientists have discovered a long-lost continent under the Indian Ocean. However, the most surprising part had to be the ruins of an ancient Starbucks.
In Ireland, residents in a small town are upset after repeatedly getting late-night phone calls from people dialing the wrong number when they're trying to reach a phone sex line called Babestation. The town is so small, they don't have caller-ID yet, thank God.
A 79-year-old British man claims he has slept with 2,084 women. This could establish a new record for a non-NBA player.
Astronaut Scott Kelly reportedly grew two inches while on the International Space Station for nearly a year. In a related story, Tom Cruise has asked, "Where do I sign up?"
I'm trying to figure out how to build a wall around Facebook.
That's now five rings for Tom Brady and he should go to voicemail.
Vincent Viola, the owner of the NHL Florida Panthers has withdrawn from consideration for Secretary of the Army. I mean, when you think about it, what would a hockey team know about fighting?
Two students in England were hospitalized after taking part in a caffeine research study where they were accidentally given the equivalent of 300 cups of coffee. Or, as I like to call it, Monday morning.
Saw this on Facebook: Eyelashes are supposed to be a natural way of keeping things out of our eyes. But when I get something in my eye, it's usually what? Yes, an eyelash.
Stolen from radio buddy Rick Taylor: Congratulations to the Atlanta Falcons on their first Super Bowl win. #alternativefacts #SuperBowl
Wouldn't it be ironic if Waldo stole Tom Brady's Super Bowl jersey?
I think we can all remember exactly where we were and what we were doing during Bowling Green...
There are days I really love my job. Those days are Saturday and Sunday.
The U.S. House has just passed an act requiring a warrant to search your old emails. So, for now, you're safe.
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer says Donald Trump doesn't own a bathrobe. OK, who asked?
I like to find the small positives in each day. For example, today, I'm not having kale for lunch!
A group of women protested topless in Brazil today... for something... those were the important facts.
Marriott is testing out Communal Rooms -- that is, you'd share a room with strangers. What could possibly go wrong?
Drew Barrymore's new Netflix series, "Santa Clarita Diet" is NOT a cooking show. It's about her becoming undead. You know, if I ever became a zombie, I'd just die.
Have a great day. Remember, you could be the New York Knicks.
There’s a new watch out that tells boring people when they should stop talking. Where was this during campaign season?
Vladimir Putin is scheduled to play an exhibition hockey game against former professional hockey players. While the game is next week, they’ve already announced the score.
New research predicts that in 65 billion years, the moon will crash into the Earth. So what’s the big rush in getting there. If we’re just patient…
So, Betsy Devos is our nation’s new Secretary of Education. Apparently, the level of education in this country doesn’t need to be any gooder.
According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date. Attractive? May I call it downright ‘sexy’!
I was just on Facebook, again. You know, I think I’m starting to develop “Hide Post” finger….
Seen on Facebook: Water is the most essential element of life because without water, you can’t make coffee.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU NEED MORE ORGANIZATION IN YOUR LIFE
- You've been really good about saving money. Now, to remember which bank it's all in.
- Birthday cards arriving a month late have become a family tradition
- Your car keys were under the laundry pile which was directly below the newspaper pile
- Your morning routine consists of a shower, breakfast, searching for your car keys and calling an Uber
- You're really excited about the Super Bowl coming up on Sunday
TOP FIVE OTHER SPORTS TO CONSIDER UNTIL FOOTBALL SEASON RETURNS
- Competitive Beer Drinking (you're already there, aren't you?)
- A Yahtzee Fantasy League
- Professional Tiddly Winks
- The Great Paper Airplane Race
- Championship Toe Nail Polishing
Laugh a little, would ya?
