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THIS WEEK'S WACK

Our 1,101st Edition
March 24th, 2017

Spring has sprung. But I'm ready for Summer to simmer.
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Hey, we're exactly 9 months away from Christmas Eve!

Saudi Arabia unveiled its first-ever girls council, but didn't allow any girls at the event. Baby steps, right? Boy babies, of course.

Happy first day of Spring! In New England, they're getting our their Spring snow shovels.

A robot is playing a leading role in a British stage production. Not a single critic has dared give it a bad review.

Facebook has introduced a new feature called "Town Hall" to get users more involved in the political process. Yes, that's what was missing on Facebook.

Selena Gomez says she can "hardly wait for people to forget about me." To all of you who just "Who?," Selena says, "Thank you!"

After taking a look at President Trump's budget and his proposed cuts for Public Broadcasting, they say that Elmo was not tickled.

That's it -- I'm officially swearing off Green Beer... until next year. By the way, St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday in 2018. Just sayin'...

Rock and Roll legend Chuck Berry passed away over the weekend at the age of 90. The good news is that now he has a particular place to go.

Norway knocked Denmark out of the number one spot, when it comes to the World's Happiest Country. Of course, when Denmark heard the news, it bummed them out so much, they dropped from 2, to the 5 spot.

FBI Director James Comey confirmed Monday that his agency is investigating possible ties between Donald Trump's campaign and the Russian government. A Trump spokesman said that the two sides never shared ties or any other clothing.

A laptop ban has gone into effect for non-stop flights into the U.S.. Which means our international flight security policy now has something in common with my guy's weekend trips to Las Vegas.

Slow-to-get-going Wednesday. Going to need an extra thick slice of coffee this morning...

Sears is warning that 'a substantial doubt exists' it could go out of business within the next 12 months. And Roebuck.

You should have known there was trouble when they changed their slogan from "Where America Shops" to "Yeah, right."

Sears announced they have "substantial doubt" about their future. Or, was that the Atlanta Braves. It was one of them.

North Korea's leader Kim Jong-un has vowed to turn the U.S. into a "nation of ashes"... unless he meant to say "asses," in which case, he's too late.

Costco is suing Titleist, claiming their popular Kirkland golf balls do not violate on any Titleist patents. Regardless, you still missed that really easy putt.

My radio brother Skip Tucker asked it: If, according the "Beauty and the Beast," it doesn't matter what's on the outside, why does he turn back into a handsome prince?

The Walking Dead's Steven Yeun and his wife Joana Pak welcomed their first child -- a boy! Kind of doubt the kid will ever get to play baseball...

Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris dying within days of each other. If I were Chuck Norris, I'd go into hiding.

Dear people in charge of the calendar: At what point did it seem like a good idea to put St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo both on a Friday in the same year?

Twitter has suspended 636,000 accounts to tackle extremism. Ironically, that seems a bit extreme.

Pope Francis I is telling young people to resist the "fake" reality of social media. While over in my email, that Nigerian Prince is telling me to ignore the Pope.

Morton Deutsch has died at the age of 97. He was an expert on conflict resolution. No, he wasn't. Yes, he was! No, he wasn't...

The cover of Time magazine asks the question, "Is truth dead?" Well, of course it is. Ha! Fooled you. I lied.

There's a part of me that would really like to see Hillary Clinton show up at this year's White House Easter Egg Roll with an Easter Basket of Deplorables.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE GOT MEMORY PROBLEMS

  1. You can't remember the month we celebrate March Madness
  2. What were we talking about again?
  3. Wife is mad at you forgetting anniversary and it's two months away
  4. Those instructions you carry with you: "Breathe in, breathe out."
  5. I forget this one
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT IT'S OFFICIALLY SPRING
  1. Robins learning how to order worms on Amazon
  2. Trump protestors switching to more colorful signs
  3. Atlanta Braves already mathematically eliminated from playoffs
  4. College students just now waking up from St. Patrick's Day
  5. Rachel Mattow's 4-hour "Guess what season it is?" special

TOP FIVE PRODUCT PARTNERSHIPS IVANKA TRUMP SHOULD CONSIDER

  1. Ivanka Tonka's
  2. A new wine: Ivanka Blanca
  3. German thank you cards: Ivanka Danke's
  4. Ivanka Bonco
  5. Willie Wonka and Ivanka
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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