They say once you go WACK, you never go back

A study has found that female dragonflies play dead to avoid amorous males. So that's where she got the idea...

Would the last person watching "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" please remember to turn off the set?

A New York cafe is suing Starbucks, saying the Unicorn Frappuccino was their idea. If they win, that should help with my suit about coming up with the idea for sliced bread.

Miley Cyrus says she's stopped smoking spot...for three whole weeks. We'll alert the people at Pulitzer.

A new study claims that Tequila may actually be good for our bone health. Considering that its responsible for the falls, it's amazing how life sometimes balances out.

A study says swearing makes people stronger and increases stamina. No sh@t!

A Danish brewery is producing a Pilsner beer made with recycled urine. Yes, on purpose.

A study says that knees that "pop," "click" or "crackle" may be headed towards arthritis. As someone with Rice Krispy knees, I think I'm in trouble.

Marine Le Pen lost the French election on Sunday. I don't know what hurt her more: her policies or being called 'a female Donald Trump.'

As my dentist likes to say, "We're pulling for you!"

For what it's worth, I have a pre-conditioned existence.

I was at a board meeting where a member pointed out that we missed celebrating National Naked Gardening Day. I made a motion that we miss it again next year.

Some coffee shops are turning off their Wi-Fi so that customers are forced to talk to each other. If that doesn't work, they'll stop serving coffee.

I have a Norwegian friend that for years bragged about having OCD. It turns out he was just misspelling cod.

I’m amazed that everyone is so shocked that a guy whose reality show catch-phrase was, “You’re fired!” actually fired someone.
 
Do you think Trump fired Comey because his name sounded like slang term for someone with a comb-over?
 
I’m slightly concerned. It seems that Facebook has a better memory of things I’ve done than I do.

The CEO of Sears is blaming the media for the store’s economic problems. I think that their customers just aren’t spending enough. Both of them!
 
Remember, it’s the little things that make larger objects look bigger.
 
Five Great White Sharks were spotted off the California coast this week. Probably heard about the Santa Clarita Diet.
 
We’ve had over 40 minor earthquakes around the Seattle area this past week. The thing is, everyone’s so caffeinated, no one noticed.

TOP FIVE MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS MOM COULD PROBABLY DO WITHOUT

1. Anything having to do with Dr. Freud
2. A laminated list of all the ways you messed up while raising you
3. That stray cat you can't get rid of
4. Another one of your original crayon art drawings of a dog
5. Flowers cut fresh from her garden

TOP FIVE THINGS YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GIVE MOM AGAIN THIS YEAR

1. A pre-filled out Will Kit
2. Front row UFC tickets
3. A 50-cent discount coupon to the Dollar Store
4. That Deluxe Oil Change
5. The Costco-Sized Bottle of Tenactin