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Our 1,109th Edition
May 19th, 2017

When you wish upon a star, wish for oxygen. Stars don't have any.
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The first thing you talk about in the morning is how you’re going to bed early that night. Now, THAT’S tired…
President Trump was threatening to cancel press briefings. You know, maybe if we did that, I’d feel better a little more each day…..
A retreat called “Cannabliss” will take place next month in California. They’re not bothering to say what will happen because, well, duh.
Yes, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer did hide in the bushes the other day to avoid the press. But, to be fair, it was his first time without the bunny costume.
A United Airlines flight had to be delayed several hours after a scorpion was discovered on board. I’m amazed—with all the publicity, you’d think the scorpion would choose another airline.

A San Francisco museum has opened an exhibit to mark the 50th anniversary of the Summer of Love. It seems longer ago by the minute…
Scientists say technology will allow them to chat with dolphins by 2021. Finally, we can find out what Flipper was really saying.
Kashmir has banned all social media. Which is frustrating to those in support of the ban who can’t like it.
A new study claims that people who swear tend to have larger vocabularies. Well, yeah, by at least 7 words.

A new study claims that red meat increases your chance of dying from 9 different diseases. A spokesman from the Beef Industry only had one word to say: "Steak."

Frankly, it didn't help when immediately after President Trump met with the Russians last week, one of the Russian leaders told the press, "Well, our work here is done."

As insane as the news is each week from the White House, I'm waiting for the day that Trump appoints Bill Cosby as official White House bartender.

I was trying to play the game where you take a shot of something every time Donald Trump tweets... but I started missing too many days of work.

Hackers are holding the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie hostage. They say if Disney doesn't pay up, they won't necessarily release the movie, but they will tell President Trump all the spoilers. And, well, you know how he keeps a secret...

You know, I was so happy to have made it through another week two days ago and then some jerk reminded me it was only Wednesday.

Amazon is now worth twice as much as Wal-Mart. And they did that without greeters!

Now there's a study that claims eating more salt will help you lose weight. I can see myself ending up with rock-hard, six-pack arteries.

Why do they have to put mornings so early in the day?

President Trump addressed the graduating class at Liberty University in Virginia last Saturday. He told them to work hard, follow their dreams and that the secret missiles are located just outside of Baghdad.

Jennifer Lawrence says she's not sorry for that video that appeared online showing her drunk dancing on a stripper pole in Austria. Well, that makes at least tow of us..

A new study found that more than half of American doctors are burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose. The phrase "They're not alone" comes to mind...

President Trump is still figuring out who to name as the next director of the FBI. He's said to be down to Omarosa and Meatloaf.

  1. Dead Last Again
  2. Pick Another One
  3. Ransom Ware
  4. Hillary's Revenge
  5. I Only Told Trump
  1. Your computer just ordered you an Atlanta Braves jersey
  2. You just got a friend request on Facebook from a Bit Coin
  3. It asks you if you know a Juan Icry?
  4. You computer started smelling like onions
  5. Your keyboard just handed you a Kleenex
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
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