They say once you go WACK, you never go back

Someone stole 30,000 condoms from a Las Vegas warehouse. The thieves are described as 'armed and amorous.'

Last Friday was National Donut Day, because we needed a day to celebrate something we would celebrate every day if we could.

I have a feeling I would never win the National Spelling Bea.

will.i.am has confirmed that Fergie has quit the Black Eyed Peas. I had a feeling...

Google is facing a $9-billion fine for rigging search results! You can find out more by Googling "Google is innocent."

A recent study by Vanderbilt University has found that people who attend religious services live longer and are less stressed. Hell of a discovery!

The great outdoors is calling and my first thought is, "I wonder where it got my number?"

Remember the old days, when celebrities just faded away, instead of them destroying their careers themselves?

A new study says pesticides on food may cause damage to the brain. So, it took a study to figure that out, huh? Was there ever a point where someone thought, "Oh, it'll kill bugs, but we'll be fine!"

Ireland is getting its first-ever gay prime minister. Apparently, voters were after his Lucky Charms...

A report says that almost half of all Americans die broke. Apparently, I haven't got long.

Oreo O's cereal is returning after a 10-year absence. The great national nightmare is almost over.

A new Dr. Suess museum has opened up in Springfield, Massachusetts.
Would you like it? Yes, you would.
Really like it? Heard it's good.

Carl Reiner's rule: Wake up each morning, read the paper and if you're not in the obits, have breakfast.

Uber has hired a Harvard expert to help with their leadership problems. That will hopefully give them a Lyft.

London's Mayor and President Donald Trump -- I wonder which is going to give the other a Pepsi.

A study says two hours of video games a week makes young people more employable. That should make me 15 times move employable than the other candidates.

Kim Kardashian says she is done with Caitlyn Jenner. My theory is, it's to avoid the whole question of, "Should I still buy her a Father's Day gift?"

President Trump is nominating former Justice Department official Christopher Wray for FBI director because of his high integrity, honesty and because he's the first one to not say, "Hell to the no."

Remember back when you used to say, "Now what?" and it had nothing to do with the President of the United States?

Radio brother Matt Case offered this advice: Don't pass gas in an Apple store--they don't have Windows.

A study says that most divorces happen in March and August. That does pave the way for being able to watch all of March Madness and the start of the NFL season.
 
I find it ironic that the biggest thorn in the side of the president with bad hair is named Comey. (Comb-ee)
 
The headline I liked was “Comey Versus Comb-over.”
 
Can I count watching all that Comey testimony towards my jury duty requirement?

Remember, Comey is just a “d” away from Comedy.
 
I’d just like to thank you for your loyalty, without me having to demand it.
 
I was waiting for someone to say, “The FBI has more leaks than a Chinese market!”
 
A Bud Light truck overturned in Tempe, Arizona, yesterday, spilling cans of beer everywhere.  Thanks to all the volunteers, the mess was cleaned up in 6 minutes.
 
I’d love to put on a TED talk, but I don’t know any Ted’s.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE TOO MUCH INTO TWITTER

1. You hear a bird tweet and you check your phone
2. Your last will and testament is written in 140 characters or less
3. Nickname for your wife is #honey
4. When they talk at church about Jesus' followers, you think they're talking about his Twitter account
5. Someone asks, "How ya doing?" and you respond on Twitter

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STOP SINGING IN THE SHOWER

1. A S.W.A.T. has gathered outside your bathroom and ordered you to stop torturing that person
2. Your last three girlfriends all broke up with you between verses
3. Can you at least wait until you get a noisier shower?
4. Firefighters have broken in to rescue you, twice!
5. The cat has started wearing ear plugs

Laugh a little, would ya?