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Our 1,128th Edition
September 29th, 2017

Wow. Already the 2-month anniversary of Costco getting the Christmas stuff out
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OK, so last Thursday was apparently National Peace Day, not National Pizza Day. My mistake, but I can live with it.

It sure looks like the CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz, is planning to run for president of 2020. If I was on the Washington Wizards, I'd start packing. (you'd have to be a bitter Supersonics fan to get that one)

A new study says that loneliness is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And if no one has a thing to do with you and you already smoke 15 cigarettes a day, you're double-dipping!

I'm assuming 'dotard' is a leotard warn by a young deer.

Liliane Bettencourt, heiress to the L'Oreal cosmetics empire and the world's wealthiest woman, has died. She was 94 and always felt like a blood relative to me. I'll miss... ... uh, Liliane, that's it.

I feel like I'm watching President Kettle and President Pot going at it.

Jerry Lewis left all six of his children from his first marriage out of his will. I'm sure they'll be able to recoup all that money with a tell-all book.

MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell was caught on tape ranting at his staff for eight minutes. I suppose this is a reminder to never go into a profanity-laced rant in front of TV cameras while they're rolling. Mom was right.

A study says one third of all women are not interested in sex. In your case, two thirds. OK, I couldn't resist...

Death Wish cold brewed coffee is being recalled over botulism concerns. The good news -- they won the Best Name for A Coffee Award!

General Mills says it will bring back Trix cereal with artificial colors and flavors. Show of hands -- who knew it had gone away?

A study says cheat days may help dieters lose weight. I don't know about you, but that's all I needed to hear.

A Christian researcher had predicted the world would end on Saturday. Just checking -- did it? I was hoping for a little bit better than this in the after life.

A 5-year-old California boy was suspended from school for making a terrorist threat. A 2-year-old, I can understand that... but a 5-year-old?

Ariel Winter's mother says the star's clothes are a "cry for help." Sounds like mom is crying for some of her paycheck.

I hope turnabout's fair play and that during the next political debate, the two sides argue about who is the all-time best quarterback.

Is it cheating to put your Fitbit in a paint shaker for 10-minutes each day?

The new iPhones are here, just in case you find yourself with too much money in your checking account.

Our neighbor girl wants to support protesting football players so she's going to open a lemonade sit.

I saw a guy taking a knee to propose to his girlfriend. She fired him.

Bill Clinton's first novel, "The President is Missing" will be made into a TV series. We've never needed that more. Not Clinton's book -- a missing president.

A study says 9 in 10 people fear being alone in their old age more than ever. And the 1 in 10 that wasn't worried about it felt left out and now THEY feel alone.

Investors say that the president's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, used private email for government business. In other words, it sounds like he's planning to run for president!

In Russia, Burger King is asking to ban the movie "It" because they say the clown looks too much like Ronald McDonald. If that were true, Playland would be a ghost town.

I was watching the news last night and they were doing a story on Kim Jong un and Donald Trump, when the news person used the phrase, "the crazed dictator." I had to ask, "Which one?"

Can we go back and check the film? I mean, are we absolutely sure everybody was Kung Fu fighting?

Dying pro wrestler Ric Flair tells People Magazine he's not proud of sleeping with over 10,000 women over the years, because he doesn't want his grandkids to know. I think you gave up that goal when you told People Magazine about it.

AMC is revising their foul language rule and will now allow each series two F-bombs each season. That should allow "The Walking Dead" to have their first rapper zombies.

And for those of you wondering, it's now been 37 minutes since the last presidential tweet that ticked someone off.

There's going to be one more Bruce Willis "Die Hard" movie, called "Die Hard: Year One." I love new Christmas traditions.

Scotty McCreery popped the question to his longtime girlfriend, Gabi Dugal, on Tuesday in the mountains of North Carolina. They went on a hike, he got down on his knee, she hummed the National Anthem and they he proposed.

A lot of controversy over taking a knee... that new movie about the life of Tonya Harding.

Twitter is looking to double it's allowable letters, to 280 characters in a post. Seriously? With this president?

There's growing speculation that Mark Zuckerberg will run for president. Jeff Bezos of Amazon is also considering it. Gee, if he gets in and makes promises, he'll probably deliver in two days for Prime Citizens.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably a Mariners fan.

UCLA is offering depression screening for incoming students. It's mainly for students who were hoping to get into USC.

Titans receiver Rishard Matthews says he plans to kneel until the President apologizes. If you draw his name in the Christmas gift exchange, may I recommend kneepads?

35,000 Baltimore Ravens fans have signed a petition to have his statue removed from their stadium, after he kneeled during the national anthem on Sunday. If nothing else, they'd like him dressed in a confederate uniform.

Hugh Hefner has died at the age of 91. To be honest, there's a part of me that wonders if it lasted longer than four hours and he didn't see a doctor.

Hugh Hefner has died, at the age of 91. He will be buried under a bed, so that your mom won't find him.

Austin Winsberg posted on Twitter: "RIP Hugh Hefner. I guess he's going to Miss October."

It appears that the phrase, "What do you think?" has been replaced with, "OK, here's how you should think."

Isn't saying you won't stand for someone not standing for something kind of net neutral?


  1. It has a Tempur-pedic adjustable bed
  2. Enough power to two Rhode Island
  3. The spare is a Toyota pickup
  4. The girls on the mudflaps are actual girls
  5. For starters, the driver's side escalator is impressive


  1. Clean out the garage before... OOPS! Fall's here already. Maybe next year.
  2. Aim box fans at the neighbor's tree so his leaves stay in his yard this year
  3. Try setting the Beer and Brat Consumption World Record Again
  4. Take down the Christmas lights
  5. Post something political on Facebook (hey, I wanted an easy one)
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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