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THIS WEEK'S WACK

Our 1,133rd Edition
November 3rd 2017


It's Fall Back Weekend! But don't believe your boss
when he says the change happens at 5pm Friday


These jokes are available on a daily basic
through Radio-Online. Click here for a free demo

Donald Trump Jr. mean-tweeted Hillary Clinton on her birthday last week. Remember back in the old days when we had a high road?

Why procrastinate today what you can procrastinate tomorrow?

The iPhone X is now available for pre-order, just in case there aren't enough X's in your life.

There's actually a red wine out there called Vampire. I hear it goes really well with a stake.

Southwest Airlines is going to start having live music performances on some flights. Of course, the musicians who get to play are the ones who get on first.

Houston Texans owner Bob McNair has apologized publicly for comparing his players to inmates. He promises to meet with them personally on Visitors' Day.

A new study says that depression is tied to having a shorter lifespan. That makes me incredibly sad. Oh-oh...

UPS estimates it will deliver 750-million packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Porch thieves are saying, "Yeah, we know."

Former Trump campaign aide George Papadopoulos has pleaded guilty to one count of making a false statement to the FBI. They say he could receive a decade in prison for each syllable.

A poll says 58% of Americans are afraid to discuss their political views. Obviously, none of those people are my Facebook friends.

A study says Alaska is the most sexually diseased state in the nation. Now you can go up there and easily catch more than just salmon.

The TV show “24” will continue to evolve. The next round will feature a female lead character. Jackie Bauer, I’m guessing.

Hennessey Special Vehicles has revealed what aims to be the first 300-mph street legal production car: the Venom F5. Yours for a paltry $1.6-million. In fact, we’ve got a clip of one just to show you how fast they are. Want to see it again?

You know, just by swapping a couple of vowels around, you go from Manafort to Man o' Fart.

A reminder that this is the weekend that we begin complaining about having to turn the clocks back an hour?

We bought all of our Halloween candy at the Dollar Store. Apparently 2005 was a big year for candy production.

A report says the U.S. savings rate is at a ten-year low. We'd compare it to previous rates, but sadly, we didn't save them.

My sister Debbie went to work on Halloween dressed as Waldo. Great idea. You just show up, stay for a minutes then go home. When no one can find you all day, you say, "Great costume, huh?"

Why do we always turn the clock back an hour at 2am? Why couldn't it be, oh, like when lunch is over?

I guess I'd be all for getting a robot dog someday. As long as someone else has to pick up the batteries.

This year's Starbucks holiday cup is a color-it-yourself style. They apparently got the idea from IKEA.

I have to admit: all throughout daylight saving time... I didn't save any.

A couple in Florida with the last name of Frankenstein welcomed a baby boy into the world on Tuesday. Yes, Halloween.

  • How is that kid ever going to avoid being nicknamed "Little Monster"?
  • His first sentence will probably be, "That's FRAWNK-en-steen."
  • You know when he gets up as a teenager, his dad is always going to break out in, "It's alive. It's... ALIVE!"

TOP FIVE THINGS TO DO NOW THAT HALLOWEEN IS OVER

  1. Time to start complaining about the switch back to Standard Time
  2. It might be about time to finally take down your Easter decorations
  3. Find the receipt and see if you can take back any uncarved pumpkins
  4. Put away the leftover candy again until next year
  5. Say that those Christmas lights you started calling Halloween lights are now Thanksgiving lights
TOP FIVE WORST HALLOWEEN MOVIES OF ALL TIME
  1. "It-in-Law!"
  2. "Curse of the Unidentifiable Rash"
  3. "Zombies in Love"
  4. "Mummy Dearest"
  5. "Twilight: The Teething Years"
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
 
Have you Bimbo'd yet this season?
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