They say once you go WACK, you never go back

I'm old enough to remember back in the day when Mel Gibson was the worst person in Hollywood. A study says the key to happiness is choosing the right friends. Which makes me wonder why all my friends aren't happy.

A study says sheep can recognize people from photos. So much for the "pushing it through the fence" defense.

A study says the brain can function up to 20 seconds after death. Why do I feel like my final 20 seconds on this earth will be hearing, "It's a small world after all"?

I'm imagining at the Oscars next year them doing a montage of all the actors we lost this past year to a sex scandal.

Twitter is now allowing 280 characters. Facebook has decided to follow suit and is tripling the number of Facebook games you can invite people to play. Great.

The pope is banning the sales of cigarettes at the Vatican, a big boost for fans of St. Nicorette.

It turns out that the Achilles Heel is Richard Sherman's Achilles Heel.

If the NFL is looking to speed up games, here's a suggestion: Just have the Seahawks start each game with 10 penalties.

An Oklahoma woman who married her biological mother has pleaded guilty to incest. Imagine your mom also being your mother-in-law! Among the reasons it's illegal.

The air pollution is so bad in New Delhi, India, that United Airlines has halted flights to that city. The breaking point was when a recent flight was in the air and got stuck.

The U.S. Army has lifted their ban on recruits with mental health issues. They're also changing their official slogan from "Be all you can be" to "Don't piss us off."

They're saying that the number of coffee shops in the U.S. has plateaued. As I sit here at a Starbucks looking out at the Starbucks across the street, I understand.

A report says fewer Americans are being killed by lightning. I'm shocked, but not that way.

Jets wide receiver Jermaine Kearse says the NFL should get rid of Thursday Night Football. Cleveland Browns fans are saying, "Uh, while we're at it, can we also drop Sunday and Monday games?"

A new survey shows that 69 percent of Americans would skip exchanging gifts if their family and friends agreed to it. That's why I only spend time with 31% of Americans.

New hypertension guidelines means that 30 million more Americans -- now, 48% of us -- are dealing with high blood pressure. Doctors say the biggest thing that we could do to reduce our blood pressure -- get the President off Twitter.

So, when Keurig pulled their ads from Sean Hannity's show because of his comments on Roy Moore, some conservatives smashed their Keurig machines. Now Volvo is pulling their advertisement from the show. Stand by for air bag deployment.

Uber has signed a deal with NASA to develop "Uber Elevate," a new type of Uber that will use flying cars. Interesting -- the test pilot's name is George Jetson.

A report says more than half of all pregnancies in California are unintended. Just saying -- they know how that happens.

GQ has chosen Colin Kaepernick as its "Citizen of the Year." He's expected to attend the awards ceremony where the crowd will most likely give him a kneeling ovation.

A new study says that half of people over the age of 65 take at least five drugs a day. That was probably true when they were in their 20s, but now we're talking prescription variety.

I got one of those cool devices that helps you find your car keys with your phone. Now, to find my phone.

You're the kind of person who walks into a Dollar Store and asks how much things are, aren't you?

OK, we can still go with the Rummy Tum Tums this holiday season, but can we skip the Rudy Toot Toots?

A study says babies can identify who is the boss in the family. That's pretty easy, though. It's usually NOT the one saying, "Yes, dear."

Oh, no wonder this Christmas movie DVD only cost me $2. It's "The Bi-Polar Express."

Leonardo da Vinci’s “Salvator Mundi” sold at a Wednesday night auction for $450.3-million.  Well, it was actually $100-million for the painting, the rest was for the framing.
 
A San Antonio couple faces charges of public lewdness after theater employees reported catching the two having sex during a movie last week. And you thought the guy texting behind you was annoying….
 
A Florida man is refusing to give up his “emotional support squirrel” even though his condo association is threatening to evict him. And you know, squirrels do like their nuts.
 
Probably the one good thing about being Roy Moore—you probably don’t have to worry about being asked to chaperone the next junior high dance.

TOP FIVE NAMES YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T NAME YOUR NEW PET

1. Groper
2. Attack
3. Kumeer
4. Yes
5. Spacey Weinstein

TOP FIVE THINGS PEOPLE THINK YOU ACTUALLY SAID WHEN YOU SAY 'POLAR VORTEX'

1. Bi-Polar T-Rex
2. Polka For Rex
3. Molar Floor Wax
4. Dollar Kotex
5. Voter Gortex

TOP FIVE THINGS THAT ANNOY TURKEYS THIS TIME OF YEAR

1. Calling them, "My little Butterball."
2. Ax sharpening
3. Buying packets of gravy mix
4. Asking them, "Ever wonder what's through that hole in the fence?"
5. "Question: How much do you weigh?"

Laugh a little, would ya?