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Our 1,140th Edition
December 22nd, 2017

Just two days away from starting my shopping!
These jokes are available on a daily basic
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Kim Jong-un has executed the second most powerful man in North Korea. That settles that argument.

Scientists say that wine glasses are seven times larger than they were 300 years ago. So, we are making progress.

A study says more than half of all adults eat food off the floor. My excuse is that I always thought they said, "The 10-minute rule."

ABC has officially fired Mario Batali. He will not be returning to "The Chew." Meanwhile, they've also let go of Johnny Iuzzini and canceled "The Great American Baking Show." Too many cooks into too many things other than the kitchen.

Is it just me or does the Internet feel less neutral today?

It would probably be wrong to give each of my nieces and nephews their own personal box of sugar cubes but man, would I instantly become the favorite uncle!

President Trump has called for Roy Moore to concede the election in Alabama... and the horse he rode in on.

More women have come forward making accusations about Dustin Hoffman. Of course, Mrs. Robinson was one of them...

And as Santa flew off, he was feeling quite silly, and he yelled from his sleigh, "Everyone--Dilly! Dilly!"

From my radio brother, Skip Tucker: I would never steal a Christmas goose from a beautiful naked woman, but I just might take a gander.

Health officials are now recommending that you sleep an arm's length from your cell phone. Well, if you hold it in your hand while you sleep, that's an arm's length, right?

An Australian report is urging the Vatican to reject celibacy. One of the biggest bumper stickers in Australia these days says, "Screw celibacy."

The president of ESPN resigned yesterday. Didn't President Trump once say, "What's good for ESPN is good for the country?" If not, he should have.

The animatronic Donald Trump is now part of the Hall of Presidents attraction at Disneyland and Disney World. The toughest part was creating an artificial covfefe

The designers also created an animatronic Melania, but are keeping that one for themselves.

It was 20 years ago on Monday that Titanic struck movie theaters. Hmm, maybe I should think of a better way to say that...

Luis Elizondo, the Intelligence official who ran the government's secret UFO unit says he believes there is compelling evidence that "we might not be alone." Although, for the record, his other head expressed doubts.

You're officially old if you remember Etcha-Sketch being high tech.

North Korea's Kim Jong Un banned Christmas last year. This year, he's made it illegal in North Korea to gather, drink alcohol and sing. Pretty much locks up the Party Pooper of the Year Award.

A new Gallup poll says that 8 out of every 10 Americans say they are stressed. The other two were on a window ledge, trying to be talked down.

Chloe Kohanski was the winner of the 13th season of The Voice. She'll go on to join all those other famous names that have quickly become forgotten.

A study says divorce has made American families 66% bigger, completely ignoring the fact we're eating five meals a day.

The Trump administration has banned the use of seven words by the CDC. Frankly, George Carlin had a better list.

This one's making the rounds (insert your disappointing team)

     KID: I want a unicorn for Christmas.
     SANTA: Oh, be reasonable.
     KID: OK, I want the Seahawks to make the playoffs.
     SANTA: What color unicorn?

Thursday was the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. Well, for everywhere in the world except those living on the equator. Then, it was just Thursday.
Wal-Mart is planning a store with no cashiers. They’re also talking about changing their slogan to, “Oh, just greet yourself.”
Tonya Harding says she still cares what people think of her, the little tramp.
There is supposedly a species of Mexican fish that makes so much noise while its mating, that it could actually could cause dolphins to go deaf. In a related story, a species of whales has said to have learned the phrase, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
3 sleeps away from Christmas Day. Six, if you take naps.


  1. "My R2D2 Dads"
  2. "Dancing with the Stormtroopers"
  3. "Alderaans' Got Talent"
  4. "The Ewoking Dead"
  5. "The Last Jedi of Bel Air"


  1. No one really expects any work to get done. Well, if you don't include the boss.
  2. That really expensive gift you were going to buy is out of stock. Off to the gift card section!
  3. The neighbors have finally accepted the fact you're not putting up lights this year
  4. You've come up with a great story to tell why you didn't get your cards out
  5. You're just 5 days away from starting your shopping


  1. President Trump has a health scare with an infected covfefe
  2. Meryl Streep wins another Oscar for acting surprised about Harvey Weinstein
  3. FOX tries using a robot as a late night talk show host, called Jimmy Jimmy
  4. The Psychics Union settles a strike before they walk out
  5. You'll miss something important because you were on your phone (hey, we get one gimme)
Laugh a little, would ya?

Merry Christmas! See you in 2018!
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!
Copyright ©2017 All rights reserved, but they get boisterous when drunk

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