Later this month, Taco Bell is going to roll out a new product: Taco Fries! For an introductory period, they're just $1. Because your diet was working too well.
Jeopardy is on hiatus while host Alex Trebek recovers from an unexpected brain surgery last month. I'm sorry. I meant, who's currently on vacation?
Britain's Royal Palace put out a 2017 highlight reel but failed to include the announcement of Will and Kate's third baby. Someone's off to the Pit of Misery.
The world's most expensive vodka bottle, worth $1.3-million was stolen from a Copenhagen bar. Just to get out in front of this, it wasn't me.
The Oakland A's are offering free admission to their April 17th game against the White Sox. However, some fans are holding out because they insist on being paid.
Life Time Fitness has banned cable news channels from its gyms. You think about it: you go to a gym to feel better about yourself and if you're watching the news, you might start thinking, "Why bother?"
Bed bugs are said to be making a comeback. It's all part of that "Let's make America scratch again" campaign.
You can almost hear the Oprah for President bumper stickers being printed, can't you?
Roseanne Barr says that she'd be a better president than Oprah. Comedians are supposed to say funny things.
Amazon's Jeff Bezos now has a fortune worth over $105.1-billion. Apparently, God has now fallen into second place.
Baltimore has the worst bed bug infestation of any city in the U.S. Finally, an award!
President Trump gets his first head-to-toe physical since becoming president this Friday. Please, no wagering.
O.J. Simpson says he is NOT Khloe Kardashian's real father. I believe him. I’ve never known him to lie.
As part of her merge into Britain’s Royal Family, Meghan Markle has deleted all of her social media accounts. It’s like “Suits” never even happened…
In that new book, “Fire and Fury”, the author claims that Donald Trump prefers to strip his own sheets off his bed. The most disturbing part of that is having ‘strip’ and ‘Donald Trump’ in the same sentence.
Oprah hasn’t confirmed she’s running for president yet in 2020, but she’s already started trying to smooth things over with North Korea. Just today, she announced that there are no longer any Weight Watchers points in Kimchi.
I just accidentally stapled my finger. I guess that makes me a ‘staple genius.’
The Seahawks have fired their offensive coordinator Darrell Bevel. If you saw them play last season, you could tell their offense had no coordination.
Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is now the richest man in the world, with wealth valued at $105.1-billion. Jeff says that having the most money in the world isn’t his goal, but he does hope that, one day, he can buy Bill Gates.
$105.1-billion. You might think, “Why not just say $105-billion?” Well, when you’re talking billions, ‘.1’ translates into $100-million. Kinda hard to ignore that.
From my buddy, Skip Tucker: So, apparently, it’s going to be one of those days. I tried to pull up my sleeve and accidentally punched myself. It’s okay, though. I’ve had it coming for some time now.
Wales is preparing to ban physical punishment for children, spank you very much.
Dunkin' Donuts is dropping all artificial dyes from their donuts, moving them that much closer to health food. Hey, I never said GOOD health... .
Kinky scandal in Missouri, where the married governor has been accused of using a half-naked, S-and-M photo to pressure a woman he was cheating with into keeping quiet about the affair. That's the ‘Show me' state, right? So, show me.
Weather forecasters are predicting "fast and furious" rain for Seattle this week. Just like the movies, with unlimited sequels... .
I'm thinking it must be pretty confusing for Ciara to live in the present, when Future was her husband in the past.
Aaron Rogers is reportedly dating Danica Patrick. Then again, a lot of guys have been around the track a few times with her.
Wal-Mart is raising their minimum wage to $11 an hour and giving out $1,000 bonuses! When asked what they were going to do with the money, most employees said they were going to use it to try and find a better job!
The Seahawks are going to play the Oakland Raiders October 14th in Tottenham's new White Hart Lane stadium. This will give the Seahawks kicker time to learn how to kick wide and to the left, instead of the right.
TOP FIVE THINGS THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE SAID AT OPRAH'S INAUGURATION
- "Everyone here today goes home with a new PRESIDENT!"
- "I wonder if he'll be known as First Stedman?"
- "I really don't know if Gayle is qualified to be VP... "
- "She's probably going to change her list to her LEAST Favorite Things."
- "'O, say can you see' has an entirely different meaning now"
TOP FIVE BOMBSHELLS NOT CONTAINED IN THE NEW BOOK ON PRESIDENT TRUMP
- As a child, Ivanka was almost named Bianca and played with Tonka's
- Instead of snaps on his pants, the president prefers buttons. Really large buttons.
- Melania's name spelled backwards is Ainalem
- Mr. Trump's morning hair can sometimes be as much as a foot high
- The president is so polite, he wanted to name one kid, "I thank ya"
Laugh a little, would ya?
