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Our 1,153rd Edition
March 30th, 2018

If you're walking on eggshells, you're doing it wrong.

You've never had a better reason to play the Classics Four's "Stormy."

With the McMaster departure, a friend of mine just yelled out, "Blackout!" You can always tell who's playing Trump Bingo.

Former Playboy model Karen McDougal has told Melania Trump she's sorry for sleeping with her husband. Melania said she was sorry for sleeping with him, too.

A woman in Spain died from an allergic reaction to a live bee acupuncture treatment. And you were complaining about your health care plan... .

A report says Millennial parents are embracing gender-neutral baby names. I can just hear them: "Hey, stop teasing your sister, little It!"

The invitations for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding have been sent. Might want to go out and check that mailbox again.

From Twitter: "Frankly, my dear, I don't Instagram."

In South Korea, some companies have started cutting the power to their computers at 7pm, to force employees to quit working and go home. Unlike here in America, where 70% of people bring bolt cutters to work and within 20 minutes of showing up are asking, "So where are the main powerlines?"

With President Trump's appointment of yet another National Security Advisor, it was the very rarest of situations where Michael Bolton would have actually been a better choice.

The conversation went something like this: "Call me by your name." "Uh, I don't..." "No, seriously. Just call me by your name." "OK. Is that all you'd like, Chick-fil-A? If so, please drive through to the second window."

Harvard students can now report professors for "offensive" remarks made in class or make them feel "uncomfortable." There's also talk of changing the team mascot to the Fighting Snowflakes.

China may levy a 25% tariff on American pork. Well, if you're going to have a tariff war, you might as well go whole hog!

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are vacationing in France. I have to ask: Vacationing from what?

Seen on Twitter: I will never forgive the Patriots for making it hard to hate the Patriots.

Stormy Daniels is proof that hush money just doesn't buy as much hush as it used to... .

After seeing Sunday night's interview, I wonder if they'll start selling hats that say, "Make America Spank Again?"

I'm just imagining if I was judge, and I had a porn star and a lawyer suing each other for defamation of character. How would you keep a straight face?

By the way, it's not colored Easter Eggs. It's "pigmentally altered."

Excited about this weekend's big Easter Egg hunt. Of course, the eggs they missed last year will be the easiest to find.

Sunday is not only Easter, but April Fool's Day. Remember, wrapping grapes in chocolate candy wrappers is just cruel.

Stormy Daniels' interview on "60 Minutes" brought the show its highest ratings in ten years. Obviously, featuring women who claim they've had a fling with the president brings in viewers. CBS has already sent a thank you note to Bill Clinton.

A Florida woman married a 100-year-old tree to protect it from being taken down. They say that it's somewhat of a notty pine.

Funny how they're saying that North Korean Lead Kim Jong un made a secret trip to China. If we all know, how is it a secret?

In London this week, a double-transgender wedding: A woman who used to be a man married a man who was once a woman. People had no idea which side of the aisle to sit on.

Seen on Twitter: Why don't we all just tell each other what our birthdays are, then write them down on a piece of paper and we won't need Facebook anymore?

Playboy is getting rid of their Facebook pages, after years of just hiding them under the bed.

A report says the U.S. needs to borrow $300 Billion this week to pay its bills. That explains why President Trump was seen going into a Moneytree.

From Skip Tucker: It's easy to deter ladies from eating Tide Pods, but it's quite a bit more difficult to deter... gents.

Monday is the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House on the front lawn. It'll be nice to have something other than heads rolling out of there...

I’m thinking one of the easiest jobs in the world is being fashion consultant to Kim Jong Un.
In Ohio, a woman was arrested after she sat down in the lap of an Easter Bunny and began bumping and grinding away on him. OK, I’ll just say, “Is that a carrot in your suit or are you just happy to see me?” and drop it.
Seen on social media: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism. It prevents you from screwing things up for at least 8 hours.
Roseanne Barr said she got a congratulatory call from President Trump after the debut of her new TV show. The good news—for that couple of minutes, both were too busy to Tweet.
  1. How five states still haven't legalized plastic grass
  2. Truthfully, sick of carrots. Can you leave another vegetable out this year?
  3. The jerk who asks if he married a bunny
  4. Those requests for non-dairy, non-GMO, gluten free candy
  5. How people always work the phrase "Tastes like chicken" around him


  1. Petroleum Jelly Beans
  2. Decorated Salmon Eggs
  3. Broccoli Peeps
  4. Gummy Egg Yokes
  5. A hollow rabbit. Not chocolate. Ew.


  1. Rubber Peeps
  2. Only saying you hard-boiled the eggs
  3. Super-Gluing the plastic eggs together
  4. Cayenne Jalapeno Malt Balls
  5. Whoopee baskets
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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