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Our 1,155th Edition
April 13th, 2018

I've always had lots of luck. Bad luck counts, right?

Beyonce and Jay-Z celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary this week. As you would expect, there were no winners in the pool.

The world's first luxury space hotel, Aurora Station, will start welcoming visitors in just 4 years. If you'd like to enjoy a 12-day stay, it'll cost you $9.5-million. But think of the air miles you'll earn.

I'm pretty sure the biggest complaint they'll get about the accommodations is that it lacks atmosphere.

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg announced today that he is sorry you caught him stealing all your personal information and he said he'll never do it again as long as you don't check.

From Skip Tucker: Okay, so I understand now why Habitat for Humanity won't let me come back, but I honestly thought the saying was, "Measure twice, cut one."

A report says South Korea is secretly developing a killer robot army that could destroy humanity. If nothing else, they could make shopping on Black Friday even more fun!

Mini human brains have reportedly been grown in a lab for the first time. They've had ‘em back in Washington, D.C., for a long time.

Prince Charles denied reports he travels with his own personal toilet seat. But he says he does like a little heir to his throne.

China says they feel America is very arrogant. Dare I say, the most arrogantest?

John Daly's RV was hit by a car while parked at a Hooters in Georgia. That'll teach ya... as long as you were wanting to learn where not to park an RV.

From Skip Tucker: So I'm pretty excited - I just got Scarlett Johansson's autograph! Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still...

Bob Dylan has recorded his first gay love song. At least, as much of it as we can understand... .

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak says he's left Facebook. I'm really going to miss those cat pictures and political posts.

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg testified in front of congress yesterday. With every word spoken, you just didn't know if it could be trusted. From both sides.

Zuckerberg spoke to congress, but not under oath. And if you looked carefully, his fingers were crossed, too.

Zuckerberg apologized for not doing more to stop fake news. Ha! I just made that up.

Doesn't Cambridge Analytica sound like an Ivy League Encyclopedia?

Did you know Heinz makes Maychup? Mayonnaise and ketchup pre-mixed together. Hopefully, it sells better than the Mayonnaise and mustard combo, Mayturd.

Americans are the world's biggest TV watchers at more than 4 hours a day. And that's just at work!

Lindsay Buckingham has been kicked out of Fleetwood Mac. He was the guy who wrote, "Go your own way." If only he'd titled the song, "I'd like to stay with the band."

The number one movie in the country is "A Quiet Place." I've already said, "Never heard of it."

Mark McGwire says he could have hit 70 home runs without using PEDs. Yes, and I could have driven to Los Angeles without my car.

Paul Ryan has announced that he is not going to run for re-election this fall. Boy, I'll bet he's going to miss... .oh, who are we kidding?

OK, well, technically speaking, he's going to run... but away from the White House!

From Skip Tucker: (SFX: airhorn) (SFX: airhorn) "Wait... this isn't my deodorant!"

And, from Matt Case: The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.

The Mary river turtle in Australia has been placed on the endangered species list. Interesting thing about the Mary river turtle-it actually breathes through its genitals. And you thought you were having a bad day.

You never want to be around one when it sneezes. Just sayin'...

United Airlines has dropped its idea for an employee bonus lottery. The idea was actually in a meeting under consideration but then was dragged out.

Enough signatures have been gathered so that Californians can vote on whether or not to break up their state into three parts. Northern California, Southern California and Wine.


  1. Your psychic just yelled at you, "Get away from me!"
  2. Co-workers have actually organized a pool about you
  3. You crashed your car into a mirror store
  4. You just walked under the ladder of a moving fire truck
  5. The boss sent you a "Clean Out Your Desk" bouquet


  1. You overhear your Keurig telling your toaster, "I think we should let him live"
  2. Garbage disposal says it will only handle foods that are gluten-free
  3. Your robo vacuum always stops when you're talking, as if it's listening
  4. Your cell phone battery keeps dying way too soon (see, it's happening)
  5. Your electric toothbrush is intentionally skipping some teeth
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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