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Our 1,159th Edition
May 11th, 2018

May the 11th be with you. Naw, just doesn't
have the same ring to it.

Vice-President Mike Pence said, "There's a lot of prayer in this White House." We're staying pretty busy out here, too, Mike, because of what's going on in there.

7-Eleven has announced they are going to be offering healthier options for their customers. Can the Kale Slurpee be far behind?

Man, last week, Friday showed up just in time. And it was a save situation.

Facebook is coming out with their own dating service. Because apparently they felt all of your information that's already been compromised wasn't enough.

A New Jersey farm has come out with a ham-flavored ice cream. That should make mustard a legitimate topping.

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio. Interesting that in the short amount of time since it was discovered, it's already slept with three of its co-beetles.

Vladimir Putin was sworn in for his fourth term as president of Russia yesterday. He's scheduled to win his fourth election later this year.

Mitt Romney says his favorite meat is a hot dog. I'm assuming his favorite fruit is jam.

A report says one in six U.S. retirees is a millionaire. Wow, I guess I'm finally in the majority.

A man in Brazil has been living in a sand castle for the past 22 years. Fortunately for him, no bullies have strolled along that beach.

The very first spam email was sent out 40 years ago. Happy spamiversary.

Comcast is going to make an offer to buy FOX. They said they would be by to make the official offer sometime between 9am and 5pm.

Tuesday was Free Cone Day at Haggen Daaz. We were asked not to let you know until today.

Photos seem to indicate that Hillary Clinton has been wearing a backbrace. Either that, or she forgot to take the hanger out of her pantsuit.

A 22-year-old man set a record for solving a Rubik's Cube in just 4.22-seconds... .in the same exact amount of time it takes me to lose my car keys.

The truth shouldn't have to depend on who is giving you the truth.

So, I'm at a meeting. An older person mentioned "Peter, Paul and Mary." Another veteran asked a Millennial if she knew who Peter, Paul and Mary were and she guessed, "They were in the Bible, right?" (it really happened)

The world's longest cruise will take 245 days to circumnavigate the globe and you can be on board for just $93,000. Plus, of course, the bar bill, which is usually twice your ticket. Right? Isn't it?

A study says some Millennials are turned off by sex, with one in eight still virgins at age 26. In their defense, it's hard to meet people playing video games and living in their parents' basement.

A survey says one in four married couples sleep in separated beds or rooms. I would think that means your marriage is in trouble. We only do that when we fight.
A survey says the NFL offers customers the worst game-day experience in pro sports. Fans in Cleveland are saying, “Tell us about it.”
A South Carolina high school is planning to fine people who cheer too loudly at graduation $1,030. Might as well bring the air horn and get your money’s worth.
President Trump was on hand when those 3 Americans being held by North Korea landed in the U.S.  Most likely, their biggest shock had to be…”What do you mean, PRESIDENT Trump?”

Wow, I just found out that American Idol is still on. Who knew?


  1. "Just because the president does it doesn't make it O.K.!"
  2. "What part of no don't you understand."
  3. "I don't care who started it."
  4. "Go to your room."
  5. "Wait until your father gets home!"
  1. Mother is the most often used word in the world and half of the most popular phrase
  2. Mom didn't really mean it when she said, "Oh, it's OK you forgot"
  3. Mom comes from the word, Momma
  4. Momma is the first word most babies learn so that dad can say in the middle of the night, "Oh, he's calling for you"
  5. Mom spelled upside down is Wow
Laugh a little, would ya?
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