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Our 1,160th Edition
May 18th, 2018

Time to get out and hit those
After Syttende Mai Sales!.

Stan Lee is suing his former company for $1-billion, claiming they took advantage of his declining eyesight. The company is offering him $100 and calling it a billion to see if he's faking it.

I can't help but think of that person out there named Laurel Yanni, who has gone all her life with people thinking she has only one name.

The NFL will vote on kickoff rules changes for safety to avoid high-speed collisions. Can flags or verbal tackles be far behind?

President Trump is now promoting prison reform. I suppose that could be considered "covering your bases."

If one of the tines breaks off a plastic fork, does that make it a threek?

American Airlines has announced that beginning this July, passengers will not be allowed to bring emotional support hedgehogs, goats, or spiders on flights. Good news for my comfort squid.

A study says Rhode Island has the highest percentage of people with major depression in the country. No surprise, it also has the highest number of out-of-state Cleveland Browns fans.

A report says Americans are turning from beer to harder drinks Then there are those of us who prefer to support both industries.

Monday was the 20th anniversary of the airing of the Seinfeld finale. Not that I'm old enough to remember... ..

Seattle has been named the 6th most fit city in the United States. I'd like to apologize for probably knocking us down 5 from the #1 spot.

Rockport shoes has filed for bankruptcy. Yes, officially, the other shoe has dropped.

A survey says nearly 50% of Americans feel left out or lonely. Of course, I'm not speaking to them.

Bill Belichick has hired a Taekwondo black belt to help the Patriots with their pass rush. Can breaking boards over the quarterback be far behind?

Experts say that relaxing the sports gambling rules will result in a higher rate of gambling additions. I give it 7:2.

Now Kim Jong Un is saying his summit with President Trump may not happen. They're waiting to see what happens with Meghan Markle's dad.

North Korea says they may cancel the upcoming summit between Kim Jong Un and President Trump. But if they do, it could get picked up by NBC or FOX.

I think as long as Kim Jong Un doesn't treat the president like an uncle, we should be OK.

My sister passed this along:

STUDENT: Can I do something to improve my grades before the school year is over?
TEACHER: It's May!
STUDENT: Oh, yeah. May I do something to improve my grades before the school year is over?

I've been watching too many Marvel movies. I know I'll be watching the Royal Wedding this weekend, just waiting for the Stan Lee cameo.

Police in Germany were called to a domestic dispute that turned out to be a man arguing with a parrot. Police suggested that the next time, rather than arguing the parrot should just ignore the man.

Legal pot sales netted California $61-million in taxes in the first quarter of 2018. It may be more than the previous quarter but no one remembers. Or cares.

A survey says one quarter of Americans spend all day indoors. Among those, 100% define camping has having the Outdoor Channel on the TV.

A study says the four drunkest cities in the U.S. are in Wisconsin. I feel a challenge coming on.


  1. Wedding Glitter (why would you want to make Meghan Markle sparkle?)
  2. A copy of the book, "How to win over Queens"
  3. The Suits Full DVD Set
  4. I'm with Royalty T-shirts
  5. A Tiara polisher
  1. Decide if you'll accept someone else as Martin Riggs... after you've already done it once before.
  2. Put more sugar in the lawn mower gas tank (Dang thing won't start)
  3. Either weed the yard or apply to make it a nature preserve
  4. Work again on convincing your boss that Memorial Day is a four-day weekend this year
  5. Apologize again to mom for Mother's Day
Laugh a little, would ya?
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