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Our 1,181st Edition
October 12th, 2018

Mist a Friday the 13th by that much!

A village in Bosnia has banned politicians ahead of the upcoming election. To which the average American responded with, "Uh, can we do that here?"

Andrew Dice Clay says he's retiring from acting after his role in "A Star is Born." The line to try and talk him into continuing is wide open.

Last Friday was "World Teacher Day" and "World Space Day". The good news is that if you forgot World Teacher Day, you could always just say you spaced and were observing the other one.

Oh, my god -- a spider! Hand me a LaCroix!

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is changing its name to just The Tabernacle Choir. I imagine the next phase will be to just call them, "Tab."

A Florida doctor is selling cannabis-infused ice cream. Possible name, in the style of Ben and Jerry -- he could call it, Peach and Chong!

The new LG V40 ThinQ smartphone has five different cameras. So now you can talk a selfie while taking a picture of you taking a selfie of a picture of you totally ignoring the person you're with.

Bill Cosby says he wants out of prison already. Seems to me, a just punishment would be to mix him a drink every time he asks to get out.

And now, a quick moment of silence for all that candy we've lost over the past few weeks, not even close to Halloween.

Seen on Facebook: I feel like I'm already tired tomorrow.

Or, another version: I'm almost too tired to complain about how tired I am!

It's the time of year when you can't wait for the whole pumpkin spiced thing to pass and what shows up? Egg nog!

I've got some really lazy kids. They say that this year, instead of going Trick or Treating, they're just going to order their candy using Uber Eats!

Kanye West is getting together with President Trump this Thursday. Yep, Yeezy meets... .nope, that's just too easy.

A U.N. report says climate change will bring a strong risk of crisis by 2040. And they don't think we're there yet because... ... ?

A study says giraffes inherit their mottled pattern spots from their mothers. Glad they figured that out. Now, can we get back to researching cancer again?

An 11-year study shows that America's favorite Halloween candy is Skittles. The least popular Halloween candy-Good ‘n Broccoli.

A report says a shorter workweek can help people live longer. At least that's what I tell my boss when he catches me napping.

Oreo has a new cookie coming out with THREE TIMES the filling between the cookies. Think of all the calories you'll save having to reach down and grab another cookie.

Triple-stuffed cookies. That's obviously what our country was missing.

Can a law banning belts be far behind?

There's a new font that supposedly helps you remember what you read better, called ‘Sans Forgetica'. How am I supposed to remember that?

A new study says the coverage President Trump gets from the media is 92% negative. And that's not even including this story.

My buddy Skip Tucker thinks that kids would learn to count faster if we put numbers in alphabetical order. My theory is that he was dropped as a child.
A new study claims that forgetting names easily is completely normal. The research was done by Dr. someone at a university type place.
Honestly, we were talking at the radio station the other day about not playing 100% Christmas music this year around the holiday, so we would be an option to those all-Christmas stations. We’d still sprinkle in the classic Christmas tunes, but also play things like The Eagles’ “New Kid in Town.” Then I said, “Well, that could be considered a Christmas tune!”
A study says Donald Trump’s TV coverage is 92% negative. The television networks were quick to explain that its entirely possible they got that 8% wrong.
Dozens of radio signals emanating from deep space have been discovered and appear to be coming from a source beyond the Milky Way. Scientist have called them “disturbing, but not as much as the ones you’re listening to right now.”  I wonder how they knew I was going to read that?
In Florida, a woman had to be escorted off of a Frontier Airlines flight because of problems with her emotional support squirrel. Eventually the squirrel had to be separated from the nut.

This week's ASK TIM Question: "Have you ever posed naked for photos?"
Well, to be honest, yes I have. There wasn't anyone there to take them, but I have posed. I promised you honesty.


  1. "The Itch is Back"
  2. "Levon the living room light"
  3. "Crocodile Polka"
  4. "Candle on a calm day"
  5. "Funeral for Uncle Irving"


  1. Only haunts by appointment
  2. Uses Uber Haunts a lot
  3. Message written on mirror asks for weekends off
  4. Keeps turning on TV news and hopes that will do the job
  5. Left you note asking if you would "boo" for him
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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