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Our 1,183rd Edition
October 26th, 2018

Final Weekend to Eat All That Halloween Candy
By the way, this week's edition of the WACKY WEEK joke collection is brought to you by the new energy drink, Awakeya.

After 60 years of offering "Man Size" Kleenex, Kimberly-Clark is going to re-brand them after consumer complaints that the name was sexist.  So, they're changing the name to "Extra Large" least until the extra-large people in this world get wind of it.

And the name Kleenex—what about those poor people with dirty necks? What are they supposed to blow their nose with?
Alexa can’t make up her mind what she’s going to be for Halloween. I’ve asked her several times and she’s had a different answer every time, including Batman and Wolverine.
Weight Watchers is changing its image by changing its name to “WW” and offering wellness-themed cruises. I know when I think of cruises, I think of losing weight.

Hailey Baldwin has filed for a trademark on the name Hailey Bieber for commercial purposes. Someone has a pretty high opinion of herself.

Canadian pot company Aurora Cannabis is planning to trade on the New York Stock Exchange. One of these days. When they remember.

Some investors thought they heard that Aurora Cannabis was an A-Plus Stock. It turned out that it was actually, just a Plus Stock, eh?

The man who played the Utah Jazz Bear mascot for nearly 25 years has been fired. He had to turn in the bear costume, but he was allowed to keep his Jazz hands.

Well, here we are. If YOU had won the Mega Millions or I had won the Mega Millions, let's face it: one of us wouldn't be here right now.

Michael Moore says the media is "dumbing down" Americans. Since I don't know what that means, maybe he's right.

Thieves have stolen an inflatable 10-foot-long colon from a Kansas hospital. Weirdest bounce house ever!

The cruise ship Titanic II is set to make its maiden voyage in 2022. Two words come to mind: "You first!"

Ford will start testing self-driving cars in Washington, D.C.. I mean, if we're going to risk lives, I can't think of a better place.

Dyson, the British vacuum cleaner company, is building a factory in Singapore to begin making electric cars. Makes me wonder if they'll suck.

I've spent absolutely no energy worrying about if I'm going to win the Mega Millions. But good luck to all of my relatives, especially the distant ones, that bought tickets!

Yep, someone in South Carolina stole your Mega Millions jackpot. After taxes, they'll take home $913.7-million. Now, to find out if we're related.

From my buddy, Skip Tucker: I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented I forgot where I was going with this... .

There's the original "Halloween" movie and the brand-new version-I hear the new movie impales in comparison.

Starbucks has opened their first store where people can actually order using sign language, giving hearing-challenged people the opportunity to have their names spelled wrong, too!

The UK government has banned the term "fake news." Ha! We made that up! Actually, no we didn't. It's so hard to tell what's true or not these days.

Sleep coaches who help people get a better night's rest are charging up to 10,000 for their services. Now, instead of saying "Put me in, coach", they're saying, "Put me out, coach!"

My favorite thing about Halloween-what a great way to get rid of all that leftover Easter candy!

Needless to say, I'm a little uncomfortable with the title of the new movie, "Hunter Killer." Just being honest.

A stealth B-2 bomber was forced to make an emergency landing in Colorado. It caused all kinds of problems because it landed near a senior center. When someone yelled out, "B-2!!" Another person yelled out, "Bingo!" and a fight broke out.

Sign on Beth's Café: "Eat here or we'll both starve!"

A 480-square-foot home in San Francisco is on the market for $650,000. The house is so small, you actually have to go outside to turn around.

  1. When you visit, people feel obligated to play the song, "Howlin' for you"
  2. Can't plan anything on days with a full moon
  3. No, you're not related to anyone in London
  4. Never get to see if Rogaine really works
  5. Shower drain always clogging
  1. Author of the new cook book, "Low cal, Gluten-free, non-GMO Potions"
  2. Only pointy black hat in the neighborhood
  3. Only show she's ever binge-watched: Bewitched
  4. Most neighbors have a hot tub in their back yard-she has a cauldron.
  5. Well, there's that two-broom garage
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
PSPS--Stalk me on Twitter for daily Wacks!

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